Scarleteen

My girlfriend and I, both 16, have been dating for more than 7 months now. Earlier on in our relationship we tried doing some sexual stuff but found that one or both of us would get uncomfortable or upset so we stopped. This has ended up becoming the biggest issue in our relationship.

Since then it feels like I haven't made much progress but she's ready to do way more. The only thing I've been able to do is have phone sex. She's told me that she wants more. Several times when we've been hanging out she's asked if we could do more and it makes me panic. I either get upset and have started crying on many occasions, if I say no she asks why not and gets upset, and if I agree to something small she ends up wanting more.

It just feels like no matter what I do it's not enough for her. She says she feels teased by me. We're currently in this phase we've been through several times where she says we shouldn't do ANYTHING sexual OR romantic. We can't even hug or kiss because she says she doesn't want to risk her getting turned on or me getting uncomfortable.
Cont.

Hi there, welcome to the boards.

I want to start by saying that I can tell this is stressful for you, because you care about her and don't want to hurt her. It's valid and natural to be thinking of her needs and wants through this. That being said, when it comes to sex, if one partner isn't comfortable with something they're not the ones that need to compromise. Sometimes we date people who have different needs when it comes to physical intimacy, and that can cause a lot of tension like it is for you two, but also those "needs" fluctuate and change over time for many people.

In your case, you mentioned you both were uncomfortable or upset after trying some stuff, is that something you want to talk about (the why, and if that why is something you want to work through)?

Also, I want to make sure you know that it isn't your job to stop her from getting turned on, and while it's always okay for either of you to have boundaries, it's not okay to use things like hugs and kisses against you to make you feel guilty about not wanting to have sex. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with and your partner should be understanding, patient and kind with you about that.