Scarleteen

i have a very close friend since we where two we would hang out together and when i was 6 or 7 i remeber trying to gwt me to show there genital area and they said yes after about a miniut of me asking or being curious and i feel really bad and it happand with another person when i was even younger and i felt so sad at first i tried to blame it on the fact that i had not learned about consent but i realized it was me that was the problem. i talked to this friend and apoligized and they accepted it and we hang out all the time still but i still feelbad and sometimes they bring up times when i was 3 (i dont remeber this) where i annoyed them about somthing simeler in a changing room of a pool? and it makes me feel a bit anxous that i ruined her mental health because she has been struggaling with it for a while. so yah i dont know what to do.

Hi CatMatRat99,

It sounds like this is all really weighing on you, although it sounds like you already took the step of checking in with your friend so you could to talk about this, which was a sound first step in addressing those feelings.

It may also help to know that the behavior you're describing is really common; little kids are curious about bodies, theirs' and other people's, and that can lead to them asking to see things, or showing each other their genitals, or maybe even experimental touches. It sounds like this was very much the case for you. Too, your initial assumption about this being due to you not yet understanding consent was a sound one; part of why this behavior happens in little kids is because--in addition to curiosity--they're still learning about boundaries and what kinds of touch are considered "inappropriate" in certain contexts.

From everything you're describing, these instances were about you being a curious kid engaging in a common behavior, not some indicator that there's something inherent within you that made you do these things. Does that make sense?

As for that fear that you somehow ruined your friend's mental health, is that something she's said to you? Or just something your brain is telling you could be possible.

I feel like the mental health thing stems from a lot of different things also I just panicked in the moment of writing it. It had happened a long time after that

Hey Cat!

It feels like just living in this world can play havoc on our mental health sometimes! I'd say that those of us who care about our friends, and who have a propensity for anxiety and who are aware of the fact we all can cause harm, can very easily spiral into anxiety and fixation on the idea that we are the cause of harm.

It's scary, but I think it's important to think of it in terms of your own mental health too. As Sam says, it sounds like you've done the right thing, and have been as caring as you could be over what your friend needs.

What do you think you might need now, in terms of anxiety and these thoughts?