Scarleteen

hi uh recently ive been enjoying pain fear and sadness. like i dont wanna be happy, i want to be even more depressed. its like i find comfort in it, it makes me feel good?? i think its probably my body & mind trying to cope with all the physical and mental pain ive been getting recently, so it makes me enjoy it? i dont know. i dont wanna stop experiencing pain or depression i actually want it even to be worse. i also dont want to explain why ive been getting pain. idek why im writing this when i dont even want my pain to stop. i just want to tell it someone i guess?

Hi rwxn,

So, from your description, this situation is probably going to be best addressed by a therapist. While I don't believe that pain, or even sadness or fear, are bad things to experience or to enjoy in certain contexts, or that people have to only be happy all the time, the fact that this seems to be a response to bigger things in your life suggests both it, and those things, need to be addressed for your long-term wellbeing.

Do you know how to find mental health resources? If not, that's something we could help you get started on.

I do want to just poke in and ask if what you mean in this post is simply that it feels good to let yourself fully feel and have feelings of pain, sadness or depression. We can often get the message in the world that if and when we are having those feelings, we need to work to get rid of them, to feel differently, rather than just letting ourselves feel them.

But even when feelings we are having are difficult or aren't happy, it can often feel good to let ourselves explore and feel them, and we may even feel like it benefits us to follow them as far as they go. We have to be careful when we do that with dark feelings, for probably obvious reasons, but wanting to feel them, and feeling good about letting ourselves, isn't automatically a problem or a bad thing, like sam mentioned.