Scarleteen

Hello, I am a 16yo female and I recently got a bf (16yo male) who I had met through some friends during an Xbox party 4 months ago. we talk all day and send pictures but I am terrified that once he sees me in person he’ll think I look horrible. The only reason I am thinking this is because our phone cameras change the look of our faces, and I do send him full face pics without filters and he calls me beautiful all the time, but what if he thinks I look gross when we meet? In two weeks I am going to his house to stay for a couple of days. I have not met him in person at all. I do know what he looks like and have full confirmation that he is who he says, and I think he is gorgeous, he is the most sweet and caring person and Every time I bring up the fact that he might lose feelings when we meet, he always reassures me that he loves me for me and he thinks I am beautiful. But I can’t help but overthink it and I am stressing about it. I honestly have never been treated better by anyone, and I think I am starting to love him, he means a lot to me and I would hate to lose him.

Hi Rhiskei,

I can think of a few different things that might with all this, so I'm going to write them out and then you can tell me which direction you want to start with okay?

The first is that it sounds like the worries about how you look are coming from your own thoughts and feelings, rather than his reaction to you our things he's said to you. How do you feel about your appearance and body more generally? Do you tend to feel pretty positive about them and it's just this situation that's worrying you? Even if your boyfriend says kind things about your looks, are there other people in your life who are crummy about them?

You also mention that you know you're overthinking this. Is that something you do often?

Too, do you think some of this might be about being nervous to meet him more generally? Seeing a partner in person for the first time can bring up all kinds of nerves, and sometimes those nerves can latch onto one particular thing.

Thankyou so much for the quick reply!
I have always had problems with my appearance, family and friends have always commented about my weight saying I’m too skinny and in the past saying I’m fat. It caused me to stop eating and I lost a lot of weight. I definitely do get good and bad comments on my body and have always been self conscious about it. So you may be right, I could just be putting my thoughts and feelings in my head and thinking that he feels the same.

I am definitely an over thinker and I also have been diagnosed with Anxiety, so overthinking for me is normal, most of the time it’s about little things and I manage to shake it off.

Honestly I am a bit nervous to meet him, but I’m also extremely excited. It very well may be my nerves latching on to my thoughts about how I think he sees me.

Hi there, Rhiskei

So it seems like there are multiple factors causing you to worry about this. I'm sorry that people close to you have said unkind things about your appearance, I know that it can be hard not to internalize such comments.

It can take a while to develop a better view of yourself and your body, so for now, try to focus on your feelings of excitement about meeting him, and remind yourself to believe him when he tells you that you're beautiful. Don't give negative comments more weight than positive ones- in fact, I think you can safely ignore anyone who makes negative comments about your body.