My boyfriend thinks he has an addiction to jerk off because he can't come during sex

[Isy]

He and I are our first partner and with whom we lost our virginity. The thing is he can't cum and by that i mean in any situation where i am or touching him or anything.
A year ago we dated and three months later we started to be sexually active (not intercourse) And it took at least 40 minutes to finish and he always had to do it by himself at the end.
Now that we recently started having intercourse (like, only 4 times) he can't come. He says that he has an addiction to masturbating because he does it every day as a matter of routine and sometimes he even feels bad after doing it. How can I help him? He promised me that he would talk about it with his therapist (he was embarrassed before, we are only 18)...
I'm not worried about me not enjoying it because he always makes sure I get there. But he feels bad for making me have that bad time where he doesn't

[Sam W]

Hi Isy,

It sounds like you can tell this is stressing your boyfriend out, and it's very kind of you to want to help him feel better. Do you get the sense that he feels bad because he thinks he's disappointing you, or because he feels like he "should" be able to reach orgasm from you touching him or from intercourse? Or does it seem like he feels bad for some other reason?

I do think it's a good idea for him to bring some of what's going on to his therapist. While frequent masturbation doesn't lead to issues with orgasm--and "addiction" as a framework isn't really accurate for talking about masturbation-- the fact that he's feeling like it might be a compulsive behavior, or that he's doing it only to feel bad afterwards, are both things to talk about with a therapist.

[Isy]

Hiii! He feels bad because he notices that I'm worried that I won't be able to make him climax myself and he doesn't want me to blame myself.
I also don't think it's an addiction that she has or that that's the problem since (although I know we're all different) a friend's boyfriend does it A LOT more often and they can still do it.
I thought maybe it was a medication he takes, which has male dysfunctions as contraindications. He's been out of them for a few weeks now.
I do not really know what to do. I feel like a bad girlfriend tbh, but he insists he has nothing to do with me and I know! But I feel like it doesn't allow me to be intimate enough. Is it really that important?

[Sam W]

Thank you for those details!

So, while it's possible for that his medication could be contributing to this, if he's concerned about that he'll want to talk with the healthcare provider who prescribed them to him.

I will say that this is an instance where him only being able to orgasm certain ways is only a problem if you two treat it like one. How, or if, people reach orgasm during partnered sex can look a bunch of different ways, and depend on how each of our bodies responds to different things. Sometimes those ways of reaching orgasm don't match with what we've been told sex "should" look like, but that doesn't make them bad or less intimate or anything like that; it just means that the representations of sex we get elsewhere are usually pretty narrow.

All that is to say, what if you two just worked on accepting this is part of how his sexual response is and embraced it?