i'm anxious

[Kiva]

hii.. first post on this forum here.

so today it's been 10 days after sex, when i sex it's 8 days before her expected period days. she's been feeling pms symptoms 9 days ago, and still she doesn't get her period today. she said she saw ewcm in her previous month, so i thought she was ovulated. and then one day after sex she feel uneasiness in her breast, and it's was her pms, 3 days later she start showing another pms, craving food. and discharge was decreasing everyday, she's having white discharge when i'm sex so i think she's outside her fertile window, i check her cervix it's on my second knuckle, easy to reach and firm. i didn't ejaculate inside, but yea pullout method isn't effective to prevent pregnancy. she should be period at 11 nov, but there's no period and her breast pain was increase to moderate. her cervix was lower than before and it's hard

i'm thinking that :

- Maybe she's ovulated late, after she saw ewcm she's ovulated 1-3 days after ewcm.

- IF her egg isn't fertilized, based on her breastpain (that she's usually feel moderate but for the past 1 week it just mild) she will get her period on next week

- She will be late 1-4 days

- She's not ovulating and skip a month.

and the last thing that i hope isn't happening

- She was pregnant.

we are on LDR and then she was back, she's begging me to sex with her. at first I didn't want it because we decided to stop sex since march, she look very h*rny and she will angry if i didn't sex. she said it's okay, because she saw a lot of ewcm discharge 7-10 days before we sex. (i'm not joking at all)

i'm scared, i can't sleep, i don't have appetite, i'm very anxious because i overthink this situation.

if my gf have her period anytime soon, i will use a condoms or either have no sex with her.

this is my last post, i will update it if she get her period.

[Sam W]

Hi Kiva,

So, there are a few important things to note here. The first is that it's really, really common for a period to arrive a few days earlier or later than expected. Next, someone would not be showing pregnancy symptoms ten days after sex; you can read all about why that is in this article: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

With those things in mind, it's very likely that what your girlfriend is noticing are PMS symptoms, and that she gets her period in the next few days. However, if she gets further into the month and it still hasn't arrived, I'd recommend she take a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side.

What I'm more concerned about is that you said she would have been angry if you said you weren't comfortable having sex, especially since it sounds like you've already told her that you'd rather abstain from sex for the time being. Has she gotten angry at you for holding boundaries around sex before? Does she get angry with you if you tell her "no" or set a boundary in other areas of your life as well?

[Kiva]

helloo, thank you so much for answering. she's usually not angry, but she's keep begging me. and actually her symptoms are start since 1 day after we sex, yesterday her breast tenderness was decreasing and it's her usual symptoms when her period want to come. she having ewcm in the previous month so i thought she's not on fertile window when i sex with her.

i want to ask something

1. Are it's possible that pms symptoms start at ovulation date or before it, my gf usually didn't have any symptoms when ovulation, just ewcm. And the symptoms are by successful ovulation that producing progesterone right?

2. Is decreased breast tenderness are sign of period will come. As far as I know, in early pregnancy the hormones would be increasing so the breastpain should be increasing too, and if period, the hormones would be decreased right? and then the breastpain should be decreasing too.

Any opinions are appreciated!

[Sam W]

Hi Kiva,

Just so you know, these symptoms starting the day after you had sex means they can't be related to pregnancy, because--as it says in that article-- it actually takes time for fertilization and implantation to occur.

As for her symptoms, PMS symptoms aren't going to start before ovulation because they're related to the hormonal changes that happen during the menstrual phase (the phase where a person is actually having their period). Too, it's really hard to say what is an is not an indicator that her period is about to arrive, because that varies not only from person to person, but also for an individual person from month to month. I do think it would be useful to you to read more about all that in this article: On the Rag: A Guide to Menstruation

So, begging isn't all that better than anger when it comes to trying to make a partner be sexual with us, because it can easily be a form of coercion (where we're wearing our partner down until they give us the answer we want rather than respecting their boundaries). If you were to tell her "we're not having sex again because it makes me anxious and I don't want to risk pregnancy" would she respect that? Or would she try to talk you out of it?

[Kiva]

She's okay with it, but she keep begging me. One question. So since she's late and her actual usual breastpain symptoms is occur when it's 8 days after we sex, probably we might sex in her ovulation days or one day after. Her cervix position was medium when i sex with her. Two more question

1. Is it likely that she's pregnant, IF I pulled out (around 10-15 sec), I used to pee many times before i sex with her and it's probably we sex in the fertile window or ovulation date.

2. Her actual symptoms was come in 3 days after sex but for the breastpain shows at 8 days after sex. Is it likely PMS?

[Heather]

If she is having breast tenderness AND her period is later than expected, chances are awfully good that that breast tenderness is expressly because her period is on the way.

I'm so sorry to hear that your partner is being sexually coercive: begging you to be sexual even after you have said it's not okay for you and makes you anxious. That's not how things should go in healthy relationships where all sex is absolutely consensual -- and that consent freely given, without any pressure -- between everyone involved.

[Kiva]

I'm very sorry if i ask to much, there's no sex ed in my country so i keep confused about her. please reply this

So, her predicted ovulation it was 28 october and she was sick (cold/flu) in between 25-31 october. We are on LDR for a few days and it's 8 months we didn't have sex, so this is my first sex after 8 months didn't have any intercourse.

We sex at 3 Nov with Pullout method, i EJACULATED OUTSIDE with my hand, it was around 10-15 second, i was masturbating at 2 Nov but i shower and pee after it. i think it was 16-18 hours after i masturbate it, she said it's okay because she having a lot of discharge and ewcm (idk is it cloudy or ewcm, there's white and clear discharge).

And then 1 days later (4 Nov) she start to feel uneasiness in her breast, and then 3 days (7 Nov) later she's having increased appetite.

Her usual breastpain symptoms it's moderate not mild. On her expected period days (11 Nov) she didn't get her period but her breastpain was suddenly increased to moderate, she also feel tired than usual, she tells me that she think she ovulated this week, she saw ewcm when her breastpain it hurts, but in the next day she having a white sticky discharge but not strechy.

Right now she still having her breastpain, she having a white discharge that stain on her underwear, it's a little.

So I have some conclusion

1. I could be sex in her ovulation date because 1 weeks later she having a moderate breastpain symptoms, BUT why she having a ewcm when her breastpain comes. She said that it could be stressed and keep thinking she symptoms so that's why she feels a symptoms at one days after sex, her symptoms it just suggestions.

2. She truly ovulated late and ovulate when her moderate breastpain is also occurs, so i sex 1 weeks before she's ovulating.

3. She might be ovulating a few days before i sex with her, so her period was late and also having that symptoms.

4. I don't think she's pregnant because her symptoms was come to early

Are she's still having chance that she will got her period?. I hope she's didn't pregnant because of this.

Thank you for all moderator for answering my question. Highly appreciate it!!

[Kiva]

Nb : the ewcm she saw that her expected period it wasn't a lot, and before and after that, her discharge is white, even before sex and after it, her discharge it still white

Edit : I was searching and it's probably secondary estrogen surge, that's happen because corpus luteum. So when i sex it could be in her ovulation date

[Heather]

So, I'm not going to engage with this the way you're asking for a couple reasons:
1) It's outside our policies with pregnancy scares to engage with reassurance seeking or a continued focus on a scare, and
2) Much of the information you are giving here isn't the solid info you think it is. For instance, if your partner is around your same age, it is very unlikely she even ovulates regularly enough to get accurate information from fertility charting, but it also is very unlikely she has been collecting and analyzing the needed data for at least the last six months to have useful information to work with. I also feel like there's a lot of behaviour you have listed here that sounds very much like you trying to be an armchair gynecologist for your partner. This not only isn't likely to be useful to either of you, it's not something that generally makes for the good stuff in a sexual relationship.

Your possible risk already happened. If and when there was a risk in the past, all you or anyone can doin the present is:

1) Your partner, if SHE is worried about this, can take a pregnancy test in the next week or two and get accurate results. I say your partner because this is her body, not yours, so if you want her to take one but she doesn't, you'll need to accept that and let it go.

2) Make different choices moving forward. Not only is the withdrawal method the least effective method of contraception, you very, very clearly do not want a pregnancy and it very very clearly has left youb feeling insecure. So, from here on out, you can continue to have the kinds of sex you are but add a reliable method of birth control to it that's about your own body: condoms. Or, if you feel like no matter what, you will feel like you did in the first post, you stop being sexual right now, period. Since you have described a partner who it sounds like is sexually pressuring you with anger, my best advice is to stop being sexual with that person regardless until or unless they can stop that behaviour, at a mimimum.

3) Let this go. When it comes up ion your head, instead of coming here or trying to make all kinds of guesses about fertility, switch your focus to something else. Take a walk. Call a friend. Play a video game or some music. Anything but keeping your focus on this.

From here on out, I need to set a limit with any more talk about this scare from an "is she pregnant or isn't she?" place. I am, however, more than willing to talk with you about how the unhealthy parts of this relationship are probably contributing to your anxiety and panic and talk about leaving this relationship. I'm happy to talk with you about what actually consensual sex looks like, so you can better understand the difference between coercion and consent. I'm happy to talk with you about how to leave something like this, or how to make sexual decisions that are a better fit with your needs. <3