Scarleteen

hey guys!
there is a guy i work with who i think is really cute. he was the first person to actually introduce himself to me when i started a few weeks ago but since then he’s kind of distant.
i really can’t tell if he dislikes me or if he’s just too shy to speak to me. he’s amazing at his job, he does what’s expected of him and more and he’s often running around the store doing his tasks, so i sometimes assume maybe he’s too busy to speak. but other times i see him comfortably talking to other staff and engaging in conversation. when it comes to me he occasionally glances at me or stands near me but says nothing. why is this? we’ve been alone together and he’s basically ignored my presence. he doesn’t initiate conversation with me at all if we’re alone whether it’s in the break room or if we’re working in the same department. i’ve caught him looking at me and he immediately turns away and i just assume that he’s zoned out and embarrassed to be caught. i can’t think of a reason that would cause him to dislike me but it seems he does. all the other male staff speak to me and are generally pretty chill. im confused because my friend suggested that maybe he is just too shy to speak but it seems more like he’s just straight up disinterested in speaking to me at all, even in a friendly way. how can i interpret this?

Hi lulu28843,

So, the tricky thing here is that the only person who can tell you how this guy feels about you is, well, the guy himself. That being said, given what you're describing I think this is a situation where you want to err on the side of assuming his demeanor around you isn't a sign of a crush. So aiming for being polite and friendly to him the same way you would with any co-worker, rather than trying to do flirtatious things to see how he responds. Does that make sense?

hi Sam! thank you for your reply!

my issue as well is from the fact that i also don’t show any outward signs of liking him. im also quite a shy person around guys i like and will almost always unintentionally distance myself from them. because of this, im not really one to start a proper conversation with him. ive asked him for help around the store and he’s happy to help briefly but beyond that there isn’t really anything, and i wont be the first one to really break the ice.
i do sometimes say hello to him on my way in or smile at him if i see him, or ask him how his shift is in the break room but i also do that with all my other coworkers, so i dont completely ignore his presence.

is it possible that because of my shy nature and the fact that i don’t act as maybe outwardly comfortable around him (alone or in general) as i do with other male coworkers that he thinks i just dislike him as a person and in turn he dislikes me too?

because he has basically avoided conversation with me for a few weeks, im not leaning towards the idea of him being too shy to speak to me as a new coworker.
but since i do think he is cute i am worried that he just genuinely dislikes me as a person and

Hi lulu28843,

It sounds like you're treating this coworker the same as your treatment towards everyone else at work, which sounds polite and cordial. It also sounds like you've given this person no reason to dislike you, so if there is something bothering them, the responsibility really is on them to bring it up with you. The job is new, as is your relationship with everyone who works there, so there will inevitably be some adjustments with the social dynamics. My advice to you would be to continue to treat everyone politely and friendly, and perhaps refrain from trying to interpret this guy's actions.

As Sam said, the only way for you to know how this guy feels about you is for him to say something. Until that happens, there really is no point in trying to figure things out from body language, etc. It can be frustrating when someone we've had an interest in is confusing us. Some things are just out of our control, no matter how hard that is to accept.

When I've been in positions like this, I've found it helpful to focus on myself and what I can control. A great way to do this is practicing some self-care, with some suggestions found in our article, Self-Care: A La Carte! How does this sound?

As to give you another answer, according to what you comment and that at the beginning he talked to you.. as a male, maybe while he was first talking to you he felt absorbed by your eyes for some reason and that is why now he tries to avoid you, at least with eye contact, since it is an uncomfortable situation for him... At least that happens to me with some girls, the uncomfortable situation depends on your eyes... but usually dark eyes, I can't find her pupils and I get tense.

You could take note if he try to simply avoid eye contact. If so, I'm not sure what can i reccommend you, first of all that doesn't mean that he likes you. But he can't socialize with you.

DON'T show him that you are interested in him or in his problem, because he might become more obsessed with you (if he is).

So that way you could try and see if he forgets about peeping at you and that's it.

Or you could try to resolve the situation in some way, suggested in a roundabout way talking with him, and if you feel it's good to go further you could try, but be careful that he doesn't become obsessed with you. (Personally don't recommend this, it could be complex and out of your control for someone you don't know, but could work but can take months, speaking for myself).

The best thing (for you) to do would be to ignore him as Amanda suggested you. I agree with her.

In my case i simply ignore people i feel tense with, that's how i solve the problem now . I mean, if i need to be around them i let Time to solve the problem on it's own. But this case it's the opposite and i got the control.. but in this case is him not you.

Just focus on yourself.

But also i'm not the one to give recommendations.

Take care.

Hey there, Dennis. Welcome to the boards. I appreciate your offering help, but just wanted to drop a couple notes.

I see you very focused on the person lulu is interested in being obsessed with her, but I am not sure I understand why you have that concern. I don't think anything she's said here about him so far indicates she needs to worry about obsessive behaviour from this person. I'm also not sure I am understanding why you are telling her to ignore someone she likes, and I think you're perhaps misunderstanding Amanda.