Scarleteen

Hi,

I’ve wanted to try using toys to masturbate but there are a few complications that I want to see if I can work around. First of all I lack materials. A lot of stuff online needs lube and condoms, both of which are really hard to get around parents, so I was wondering if there are alternatives that are a bit more easily accessible, preferably not having to buy. Second of all, some items that disappear might arouse suspicion. Thirdly, it’s difficult to hide anything I would make for a time I could use it, as there’s always a chance parents might find it on accident.

Thanks

Hi there, Terence

In case you haven't seen it already, here is an article of ours that may be useful here: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.

Hmmm, I see how it could be difficult to find or make toys when you're worried your parents might notice something. Of course, there is nothing wrong with masturbation, so there shouldn't be any problems if they did find out. If I may ask, are you concerned about your parents noticing these things because it would be embarrassing, or is it that there would be some negative consequences?

There are some things you might have at home that you could use as lube, like certain shaving gels, massage oil, baby oil, olive oil, coconut oil, or Vaseline. Just remember that the oils and vaseline cannot be used with latex condoms, since oil-based lubes break down latex.

And there are services (like this one) that provide free condoms and lube to young people- you can get them at certain health centers, and sometimes, they can even send discreet packages to your home. Would this help?

it’s difficult to hide anything I would make for a time I could use it, as there’s always a chance parents might find it on accident.

Would you tell us a bit about what the setup is like at your place? Do you have your own space?

Thanks,

In terms of what I’m worried about with my parents, it’s mostly about the embarrassment, but I’m not sure whether or not they might not like it.

Thanks for the lube alternatives and condom options, although I don’t think that service is available for me as I can’t get out there.

I do have my own space but often my parents come into my room and it’s difficult to predict what they need or what they’ll open, although I’m sure I could find somewhere to put it.

Hey Terence,

Unless your parents have given you reason to believe otherwise, they probably won't have a major problem with you masturbating as they have most definitely done it themselves. The embarrassment is natural and it is definitely present on both sides, but it shouldn't be something that holds you back from embracing your sexuality if it is safe to do so.

Condoms can be hard to get especially if you don't have money or a ride, but there are some other options for you to consider. For one, some places will deliver condoms to you. You could try calling your local planned parenthood and see if they could send you a discrete package, or even doordash condoms to a location besides your house if you're willing to spend money.

On your parents coming in to your room at random, you may want to talk to them about it if it's feasible for you. Setting healthy boundaries like that are not only good for you, but are good for your relationship with your parents. However if it isn't possible to talk to them about it, you may consider masturbating in the bathroom instead (assuming that your bathroom door locks), or waiting until they've both fallen asleep or left the house.

Yeah ok. I think they wouldn’t mind.

Ah ok, that’s another option. Are there household alternatives for an easier option?

Those options work well.

Condoms are a little harder to devise alternatives for. Some options could be: latex gloves, but if you use these you will not be able to use any of the aforementioned options for lube because oil-based products will degrade latex. Or you could use something like a plastic bag. But both of these options can be very inconvenient and unreliable. If you don't have access to condoms, it may be the best option to just sanitize whatever toy you're using before and after each use (which is advisable anyway.) You should do this using warm water and a mild scent free soap before and after you use the toy.

Just chiming in to say I would avoid bags, period; unlike latex gloves, they haven't been made for prolonged contact with the human body, and it's going to be extremely hard to insure one is clean to the degree you need it to be.

Ok, sounds good. Latex gloves can work but avoid bags.

Thank you both for your help!