Do women get more sexaule pleasure?

[Rachel 1]

I think I remember this person was saying that women get more pleasure for the genitalia they have they could of been talking about sex. I guess it was the reply to someone's post saying they wish they had a penis i couldn't find that reply to that post about female pleasure and penises.
It can be true women can have certain types of orgasms but I don't get full body orgasms so everyone can be different. Plus I don't think I've ever had sex with anybody so I don't know what penetration or oral sex feels like but I know orgasms are more stronger from sex.

[Latha]

Hi Rachel 1,

I can't say for sure what that post meant because I don't have it for reference, but I can make a guess. Maybe it is not that women get more pleasure than anyone else (how would we measure that?), but rather that the clitoris is the only organ on the entire body that is solely for sexual arousal.

You're right that everyone is different. If I may ask, what do you mean by "orgasms are more stronger from sex"? When you say 'sex' do you mean partnered sex?

[Rachel 1]

Something I wanted to know is why does this person believe that women get more pleasure then men has women told them that? Why was that comment deleted? sometimes I wish I had a penis as well because im assuming I want to experience what a boner is like. I know jerking off for men can feel good.
Is it werid I want experience what a erection is like? I know dudes would feel embarrassed by it. Atleast with a penis you don't have to have periods that's a pro about having a penis im on my period right now and it sucks. And I guess I've never actually asked that many people if they want to have sex with me. that's why im still a virgin I don't think I've even grinded on anyone ethier. I don't agree that all women get more pleasure especially if I don't even get more pleasure from Masterbating with my hands in the first place! Its only something I remember seeing on a comment and I wanted to being it up this is a great subject for this site.

[Sam W]

Hi Rachel 1

So, with the caveat that I didn't see the same comment you did, I think I can explain some of what you saw. For a time, there's been this assumption that because the clitoris has so many nerve endings (and that for awhile it was thought it had many more than the penis), that meant anyone with a clitoris would automatically experience more sexual pleasure than anyone with a penis. There are a number of issues with that assumption, starting with the fact that more current research suggests more nuance in the different numbers of nerves in the penis versus the clitoris and how that plays into pleasure: https://www.sciencealert.com/we-may-fin ... n-clitoris

But, more than that, experiences with sexual pleasure are so varied, and have to do with so much more than just the number of nerves in a given body part, that saying "women experience more sexual pleasure than men" is both reductive and just plain unhelpful when it comes to understanding our own, unique bodies. And as you pointed out, that framework misses the fact that plenty of people, of all genders, experience struggles with pleasure or masturbation.

I do want to say that it's not weird to be curious about what it would be like to experience having a different sexual anatomy, especially if you spend a lot of time thinking about your own sexual experiences or response. That being said, it sounds like you're still experiencing a lot of frustration with your own body, not only around things like sexual response but also around things like having a period. If it would be helpful, we could talk about some ways to maybe lessen that frustration.

[Rachel 1]

To be honest, my life right now isn't great like I think cried today as well it just feels so boring everyday. I just want my life feel great again Also I just remember reading that orgasms were more stronger from sex but they weren't specific about what type of sex so I can't say for sure. especially if I actually don't know what orgasms from any type of sex feels like. I would want to say which ways would help with frustration but I don't even know if I wss frustrated
About my period on the first place. And you are right people with all genders do have trouble with feeling good from masterbation. I know from these posts females made with them explaining they have trouble feeling pleasure through masterbating!

[Sam W]

You know, from what you're describing here and in other threads, if you haven't already done so it might be worth getting evaluated for something like depression. I say this because feeling like everything is boring or like life and your reactions to it are flat can be a symptom of that (the technical name for it is anhedonia, or lack of pleasure), especially if it's combined with feeling like crying or moments of sadness. Of course, there can be bigger things going on in our life that can lead to us feeling intense sadness or that "flat" feeling without there being an underlying mental health issue, so depending on what's going on in your life that could also be at play here.

When thinking about those frustrations with your body, one technique that can help is to highlight the things about your body that you DO like, rather than focusing solely on the things that frustrate you. If that sounds like something you'd like to try, we can talk more about how to do that.

I do want to say that I think it might also be helpful to, as much as you can, steer clear of places that make those really sweeping generalizations about sex and pleasure (like orgasm always being stronger during sex, which is just not true given how varied bodies and sexual responses are). I suspect the comments you're finding in those places might be feeding some of the frustration by presenting a very narrow view of how your body "should" react to things.

[Rachel 1]

I've always been sensitive so that's why I cry over what someone said or something I feel bad about. I do have thoughts that do actually hurt me neagitive thoughts can be a sign of depression. Recently all I wanted to do was listen to music most of the day I never want to watch movies or read books I smell bad and my hair is greasy because of the fact i dont want to shower i really need a shower though. do you think me not wanting to do most things is a sign of depression? it could take a long time to get a diagnosis thats one of the reasons I dont want to get a diagnosis ive never been diagnosed with Depression. is it both depression and anhedonia for why I find it hard to feel pleasure from masterbation? If I do need to talk to someone about this It can be awkward talking about how masterbating doesn't feel really good i know i make post about Masterbating. But im not okay with talking about it with everyone I never talked to my family about masterbating. I already did talk to the docter about how masterbating didn't feel good i dont think the docter called back. I've gotten into this habit of staying up most of the night and sleeping during the day which is why I made post at these times as well.

[Amanda B]

Hi Rachel1,

I'm so sorry to hear you've tried to bring up concerns about not enjoying masturbation to a medical professional, only to be ignored. Having the courage to advocate for yourself in a medical setting can already take a lot of energy, so when these concerns go unaddressed, it's understandable to build up some distrust with the system as a whole.

Is professional mental health support something you're interested in? This can mean many different things, including everything from different forms of therapy to diagnosis and medication. How accessible is mental health support for you? If you're interested, I can perhaps assemble some resources in your area to look into.

Too, I hear you saying you're uncomfortable bringing up masturbation with a mental health professional. This is understandable, even though there is nothing to be ashamed of. It can still feel uncomfortable to bring up something so personal to a new person. It sounds like masturbation is just one thing in your life you're not experiencing pleasure with, in addition to other experiences. You can start by expressing a lack of enjoyment of things in general, then, if you feel comfortable, introduce the topic of masturbation. How does all of this sound?

[Rachel 1]

Okay, am I able to message a mental health professional on this site? I would be more comfortable doing it that way And what disorder do I have where i need to swallow pills for? Do I actually have depression? I do think neagitivly about myself with thinking im a bad person. or its possible when someone says something good about someone else i have neagitive thoughts about myself. im tired everyday even when I do sleep but I wasn't diagnosed with Depression thats why I can't say i have this disorder. I'm just giving examples that could be apart of depression plus all I want to do all days is listen to music and watch videos and rubbing the valva doesn't feel good for me. When will it feel good for me?

[Sam W]

Hi Rachel 1,

There's not a way to directly message a therapist or other mental health professional via this site, since we're not a mental health provider. But what we can do is help you figure out how to get in touch with one, and which ones you have access to might be the best fit for your needs. To start, can you go through this article and see what steps of it you can do, or already have done? Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy

Because we're not mental healthcare providers, I can't tell you what diagnosis, if any, you might have. Depression in and of itself can be a diagnosis, but it can also be part of another mental health issue. Too, even if what you're experiencing doesn't meet the official criteria for a mental health diagnosis, it's still very clearly negatively impacting you're life, and that alone indicates it's something that needs to be addressed.

Given everything you've told us, I don't think masturbation is going to feel good any time soon; you're describing feeling very negative about yourself, and you're having trouble experiencing pleasure more generally, and those two things combined are going to make it very difficult for masturbation to be enjoyable.

[Rachel 1]

Is masterbating not going to be pleasureable for the rest of my life? Because you said its not going to feel good anytime soon. Is there anything you can do to fix this issue? I do have ocd, social anxiety and autism do you think these disorders could affect why masterbating doesn't feel good? My ocd makes me want to wash my hands social anxiety makes me afraid of specific people I think anxiety or stress can affect things to feel good. Its just so unfair other people can feel good from masterbating ive been finding it difficult for masterbating to feel good for weeks or possibly months of course the clit is sensitive I just want the valva to be sensitive. How many nerve endings are in the valva? Maybe it's normal for the valva to not feel that good which is the reason I just got to try to enjoy how the clit feels. especially if its the only thing that has the most nerve endings for me. but other people have this same situation with masterbation from other post hopefully it will feel good for them eventually.

[Sam W]

Hi Rachel 1,

I very much doubt that masturbation will never be pleasurable for you, if for no other reason than the ways our bodies and brains react to and experience things go through SO many changes as we go through life. We can't, at 18, predict how our bodies will behave at 25, 30, or beyond, you know?

I do think that any, all, or some combination of those three diagnoses you mentioned could be influencing your experience of masturbation. You're right that anxiety or stress in particular can really effect how we experience pleasure, including from things like masturbation. Given all that, I do think the closest thing you can get to a "fix" for this any time soon is to do some kind of work around those mental health struggles. Even if that's not in a formal therapeutic setting; there are sound tools out there for self-managing things like anxiety or depression that could act as starting places while you work on getting linked up with a therapist.

I do want to caution that I put "fix" in quotes for a reason; generally speaking, when we see our bodies as a problem that needs solving, it's much, much harder to enjoy things like masturbation, so thinking about this in terms of things like being broken or needing fixing is likely to work against you.

As for the sensitivity--or not--of the vulva, that brings us right back to what I've been saying about there not being a "normal" when it comes to sexual response, desire, and bodies. Some people find touches to the vulva pleasurable, others don't, just like some people find touches to the clitoris anywhere from pleasurable to painful to boring and everything in-between. And that's before we get to all the ways in which the details of the touch--who's doing it, what kind it is, what's happening along with it, etc--can seriously influence how it feels.