Scarleteen

hi!

i have a boyfriend of 2 years who i love so much. i think our relationship is really healthy and it's something i'm really proud of. the thing that makes me nervous is that i'm not getting the "college experience." i have no interest in partaking in hookup culture, but sometimes i get nervous that i'm missing out, not going out enough, or being just closed in at times without even realizing because i always have the comfort of a boyfriend. i hope that makes sense. what do you think? i know a lot of people recommend breaking up with your partner before college, and sometimes this thought lingers in my mind too. if things are going well... if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

Hi there, chailover.

As you can probably figure out what "the college experience" even is varies by a whole lot, and that includes people's experiences of their sexual lives in college. For some people that's no partners at all, for others it is a handful of different partners, be they casual or not, and for others still, it means sex in a long-term relationship.

It sounds to me like you are happy in your relationship and want to be in it. It also seems to me that some of the things you say you worry you aren't doing enough of because of being in this relationship are things you can change while still in it. You can go out more, if you like, and if your boyfriend can support you in that, maybe you can let him know how?

We have a couple pieces on the site that might also feel relevant to you:
• https://www.scarleteen.com/article/poli ... e_and_only
• https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... ove_letter

thank you! that was so helpful. i have another question, but i guess i shouldn't worry about this until way in the future but i still would like to know. i know a lot of personal anecdotes from adults that had a high school sweetheart, and dated them until well after college, around the time when an engagement proposal usually happens. they instead decide to break up to "see what else is out there" because they've only been with one person for most of their sexual/romantic lives. in some of the stories, they find their way back to each other, and in others, they stay broken up. what are your thoughts? do you think a breakup is necessary if you've only been with that person?

Hi chailover2,

I'm glad Heather's answer was helpful! To answer your question, I don't think a break-up is necessary if you've only been with one person, or if your main romantic relationship has been with your high school sweetheart. The reason I think that is that I'm someone who did in fact marry their high school sweetheart, without any break in between!

Now, I will fully admit that my experience is in the minority; we know that most people will have at least a few partners before getting married, and that's before we add things like people who get divorced and remarried, poly folks, or people who opt out of marriage all-together into the picture.

But I do remember being in college and, especially my first year, people being weird about the fact I was still with my high school boyfriend in a monogamous relationship. And my calculation was similar to what you described in your first question; I was happy with him, I wasn't interested in any sort of casual hook-up culture, nor was I interested in breaking up just for the sake of some nebulous idea that I should. So we just kept seeing each other, and after awhile it got easier to ignore the ways people were weird about it.