Scarleteen

Hey, im sorry for asking this.

Case: my gf’s period is not here yet, i wonder what would be the reason that could make her period late. Fyi, the last period she had to wait for 39 days for her period. Its concerned me because three weeks ago we did dry humped (it happened like 1 week after the last period end) and came in my pants (4 layers including hers). I’ve been reading scarleten’s post and some online doctors answer that it would be impossible.

Is she pregnant? Based on your article it could not, but i had hard time believing im so sorry. If shes not (i hope shes not) pregnant, what would make her menstrual cycle to be long?

Thankyou very much, im sorry because in my country, there are not many sex education and it makes me anxious

Hi croissantu,

So, as you read, dry humping doesn't pose a pregnancy risk, which means that if her period is late, something else is the cause. And there are actually quite a few things that could be! You can read more about them here: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

So i do not have to worry about anything regarding to pregnancy right? Also i heard some irregular period, what are they?

Hi Croissantu,

Yes, that's correct, you do not have to worry about pregnancy. The term irregular periods can describe a few different things, like having unusually light or heavy menstrual flow, missing multiple periods in a row, having periods that last longer than seven days, or having cycles that are unusually short or long.

Your girlfriend might know what is going on, but if she isn't sure, it would be a sound idea for her to see a doctor.

The last 2 cycles, she had a long cycle like 30-40 days. Should she wait or consult?

That kind of cycle is actually not at all unusual, especially for younger people. People's cycles are so diverse that something we know now is that it's actually pretty difficult to even define a "short" or "long" cycle in more general ways, rather than someone, based on their own patterns, saying what is short or long for them, individually.

Just having 30-40 day cycles, without anything else being up -- like very heavy bleeding, or severe pain -- is not something I would consider a reason to seek medical care, nor an indication something is wrong. Lots of people have cycles that fall in that timeframe.

It sounds like with this, her cycles aren't the issue at hand so much as your own feelings of anxiety. I think that the better way to address that would be to talk about you rather than her. Do you want to dig in?

Hi, i do overthink and over worrying so much especially in this case. It makes me scared so bad thar i could not sleep well.

Hi croissantu,

If overthinking, or having worries you can't get rid of even when you've been shown they're not something you need to worry about, is something you deal with often, have you ever looked into mental healthcare or support around anxiety?

Hi, first of all im sorry that the location in my profile is not accurate to where i live. However, in my country, its hard to find a therapist or mental healthcare. I could say that my country lack of sex ed and very expensive about therapist or mental healthcare. Sorry if i worried too much, its my first to overthinking this much because it could've my youth life. It will be my lesson to always be aware of it

If possible, can you edit your profile to reflect where you actually are? That makes it easier for us to have context on what kind of resources you might have access to.

Too, if this really is your first time overthinking things, or you aren't generally an anxious person, then this may not indicate some underlying anxiety issues. Given what else you've described, it sounds like some of this anxiety may be tied to the lack of sex education in your area; if you think that's the case, using our main site to continuing educating yourself could be helpful in addressing that anxiety. And, if nothing else, your reaction to this situation has told you that you need to take a step back from this kind of sexual activity and only do those that you feel comfortable and informed of the risks of.

Hi, i did edit my profile. Thankyou but i think im also fear in getting my gf pregnant by doing such things i mentioned before. And yes we did not do it anymore

Is it the best for me just to gain information from here? Im kinda scared to trust dr.google. Should i stop finding information about this through online? Im getting chest pain when i think about this and also scared to meet my gf. Im sorry for longer reply

Hi croissantu,

I'm sorry that you're experiencing chest pain and general fear and anxiety about this.

Yes, I think focusing on Scarleteen's resources and articles is a good idea since everything shared here is always fact-checked and informed by current, medically accurate information. There can be a lot of misinformation online, so sticking to certain trusted websites and resources is important.

Like Latha and Heather shared, there isn't any chance of pregnancy based on the information you've provided. But you are clearly experiencing a strong sense of fear and anxiety around this, which isn't uncommon. There are several reasons why this can be causing anxiety. I'd like to suggest that you read this piece 'You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You Think You Are?' if you haven't already. Once you do, can you let us know if any of the reasons mentioned there feel relevant to you? If so, which?

This could be “ You have the idea that sex of some kind, maybe even all kinds, is something that will result in you being punished, and pregnancy is that punishment.”

Just to make sure, right now my gf is on 41 days without her period, should i be worried about it? What if she missed her period? Its just make me more anxious. I stopped already the sexual activity at moment i dry humped her the last time. Im so sorry im being like this, its uncomfortable to continue life in a situation like this

I've already answered you about the length of her cycle. I understand you're feeling anxious, but circling back to it again and again is something we know only helps KEEP people in anxiety, rather than helping them out of it. We also need to ask people not to ask us to keep explaining the same things again and again.

As I suggested in my last response, I think that what is more likely to help is to try and look at what you think is causing your anxiety that you CAN control (you can't control someone's menstrual cycles) and take it from there.

I see you saying that you think a root of this for you is that you feel that it's not okay for you to be sexual with someone and expect some kind of punishment, like an unwanted pregnancy. What that tells me is that until you can resolve those feelings -- this idea that it isn't okay to be sexual -- being sexual with a partner isn't a good idea for you, because it's going to leave you feeling like this. It probably also might help you to try and talk through where you think that feeling comes from, that sex is wrong and deserving of punishment. Can you talk to me a little bit about that?

Hi ms. Heather, sorry for the late reply.

yes, i believed in things where if i do something bad i will get punished. From younger age, i was told to not do things something sexual but i did it (dry humping, kissing) now im anxious even though i knew the fact that it can’t scientifically thats why its on my mind all the time and i would consider myself as religious, i felt guilty when i did the dry hump. It feels so good yet so wrong. And i thought that would be my punishment.

News for today is my gf just got her period. Part of myself feel relieved hearing that and part of my anxious is leaving myself.

If this ever happen again, when im feeling anxious should i just try to ignore it and believe on the article thats about ‘you arent pregnant why do u think u are?’ Or try to distract myself from being anxious like working or doing my hobbies?

Hi croissantu,

If you experience this kind of anxiety again, either referring back to the information you know is accurate or choosing to distract yourself can work as ways of managing those feelings.

However, a more helpful thing to work on would be to figure out ways to prevent this from happening again if possible. That includes not only saying you won't engage in sexual things that make you anxious, but taking whatever steps you need to make sure you can follow through on that boundary, rather than choosing to do something that feels good in the moment but that you know or suspect will make you anxious when you're done.

Since some of this is also tied to beliefs about pregnancy being punishment for making certain sexual choices, I think you might get some use out of this article, which talks about some ways of reframing your thinking around that: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/poli ... y_and_fear

Hi thankyou for everything, i will reference to scarleteen’s article and do everything to get rid neverending pregnancy scared mind if im feeling anxious agaain. Thankyou so much for the time to reply me and sorry for the late reply im trying to cut my time off using google

I hope that you can start to feel better about this soon.