Anxiety with Penetration

[SolarExlipse1]

For context I'm currently 19 years old female and still a virgin.

For some background, before all of this I used to masturbate a bit by either rubbing my clit and on occasions fingering. I don't have any toys to play with so I've always been reliant on my fingers to do the job haha- But anyway, this year I've done a lot more by experimenting on fingering more. (Mainly by either adding another finger or just pleasuring with only one) though I've slowed down a bit as fall season began this year.

Though as of recent times, about the past 1-2 month(s) I've had trouble trying to put in a finger to stimulate myself. All I've been doing is rubbing (which has been effective). I don't know, it either feels tight ish or whatever when trying to insert a finger. I've been overthinking the little things in regards to my vagina as if late, like there is a white/pinkish bump above the outer opening of my hole that I never seen before (maybe I have and I don't recall) and I didn't know if it was my hymen or if there is an infection of sorts. I've been trying to find out what a 'normal' vagina looks like to figure out whether or not mine is 'healthy' but end up in a rabbit hole. On top of that my period was delayed by 2 weeks as well and the signs of it coming was somewhat different than prior experiences than what I'm used to.

In addition to all of this, there has been a lot going on in my personal life I will not disclose. Maybe it's the stress that's taking a toll, making it harder for me to do all these things :/ Any ideas on what may be going on?

[Ellie]

Hi SolarExlipse1,

Welcome to the boards!

It's possible that overthinking about your vagina or putting pressure on yourself is making it difficult for you to relax during masturbation. Sometimes extended foreplay can help relax the vaginal muscles before inserting fingers, or even having a clitoral orgasm beforehand. But, in general, if something is not working for you, it's okay to take a break from it.

It is not uncommon to experience irregular menstrual bleeding, especially if you are experiencing chronic stress. If it continues, it would be wise to check in with a healthcare provider - that might answer some of your questions, like the bump you noticed. Has it caused you any pain or discomfort?

[SolarExlipse1]

Thank you for replying :')

I guess with my anxiousness and overthinking it's been hard to even put a finger in. But to answer your question, no this bump hasn't given any pain or discomfort in any way, I just noticed it and my internal self started panicking that I have an infection or something- I've taken the assumption it's potentially my hymen. Though I'm not a 100% sure about what a hymen is supposed to feel or be like 'normally'

(A minor note: I'm someone whose a visual learner for a majority of things and I get anxious if I don't know what's considered normal or not)

[Heather]

So, can I ask *why* you are trying so hard to do this? What are you looking for from this exploration? What is it offering you besides anxiety or worry?

( I do want to say that by 19, if you have been menstruating for at least a few years, it's probably very difficult to distinguish the hymen from the rest of the vaginal opening. The way that tissue wears away over time means that by around now, for most folks, it's worn away in the middle, and will instead just look or feel like very tiny folds of tissue just inside the opening. Most people could not distinguish it from the opening itself, because they're joined.)

[Chante_13]

Hi SolarExlipse1,

Stress and anxiety seem to bother you; as Ellie said, adding foreplay and stimulation can help relax those muscles. It sounds like you are possibly in school; if you are, use the break to relax and reset before the spring session.

Also, regarding the bump, if it is not bothering you and no additional smell or other concerning symptoms are accompanying it, it could have been caused by your finger; I recommend taking your time and including lubricant. Also, make sure your nails are clean beforehand. As Ellie mentioned, if the bump continues to be a problem, you should consider a healthcare professional.

[SolarExlipse1]

If I had to be honest, I'm not particularly sure why I'm trying so hard to do all this stuff. I guess I'm trying to ensure my vaginal health is doing okay in case I get into other stuff into the future (like intercourse). Ive always been trying to be on a look out for my health in general because I get worried about one thing and hyper fixate on it like it's the end of the world.

[Heather]

So, you can't tell that by inserting a finger. heck, doing that only even gives so much information to a trained sexual healthcare provider.

The way to ascertain that best is to start with a sexual healthcare appointment and visit, then you have a baseline -- of knowing from the provider everything is good -- and can pay attention to things from there that can be indications there's an issue, things like discharge that smells or looks very different, or pain when sitting or peeing. Make sense?

[SolarExlipse1]

I'll keep that in mind and try to schedule an appointment whenever I can

And to Chante:
I am currently attending college so it could be adding onto my stress. There are other factors involving my family that's also taken a toll on my body.

[Heather]

When you are back in school after your break, does your school offer student mental health services, or other services to help students manage stress? If so, how about looking into those for yourself?