Problems with the pill and 'boyfriend'

[zooeym]

Hi, this is my first time on here so apologies if I'm using it wrong.
My problem is pretty complex but here goes. First, my contraception problem: I started the pill about 6 months ago (Microgynon 30), was fine on it for a while until the 5th pack I started getting awful anxiety, which turned into depression. I stopped, scared, and went back to normal pretty much immediately. I had a break from the pill of just over a week before starting Mercilon a week ago today, a lower dose one with a different progesterone. I was fine the first few days but for 3 days now I have been experiencing pretty much constant hunger: it's not fun, I'm hungry 24/7 no matter how much I eat, I can't concentrate and it's hard to sleep. So far no other symptoms but I hate the idea of putting artificial hormones into my body, and with my history of depression I'm worried I will get it again. On my week off from BCP I felt so much sharper, more confident, my appetite was like a normal person's (I realised that Microgynon had been increasing my appetite too - I couldn't go 2 hours without eating). i felt so much more like myself. I am thin so weight gain is not a huge issue, but it's just horrible to feel like this.

So my problem is, should I ride out this pill and hope the side effects go away? I'm not sure I can manage a whole month, let alone the 3 they recommend before switching.
Just using condoms scares the crap out of me - we used to double up - and as I'm naturally anxious I feel like I'd be waiting for my period the whole month. IUD's sound cool but I naturally have 3 week cycles...and as they make periods heavier I'd be bleeding for like 2/4 weeks. not fun for me, and it would also make seeing this guy almost impossible as we are long-distance, and have to plan visits around my period, which is easy on the pill.

My other issue is with my 'relationship'. basically it is officially friends with benefits/open, but not strictly. We used to be a couple, but as we are at different unis decided to keep things casual. We see each other maybe once every three weeks, and have sex a lot over the weekend (6-7 times). Both of us would prefer to be together but it's just too impractical. it's not really friends with benefits though because the feelings are there. When we see each other, it is like we're a couple, not like we're just buddies. Also, I haven't got with anyone else in a few months, I've never slept with anyone else, and to my knowledge neither has he. So it's very odd. But I was pretty happy with this situation until I starting experiencing the side effects from the pill.

Now I'm wondering, is he worth these problems if I can't even see him very often? I really like this guy, but I feel like I'm being made to choose between occasional happiness when I see him, and my general well being. It seems like I can't win, and I don't know what to do. I kind of want a break from all these hormones to get my natural cycle back, but the problem will return when I'm in a relationship again anyway of course...

Much apologies for the length and complexity of this question, any help at all would be very appreciated

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards!

So, first things first: I would see, since you clearly want to try and be on the pill, if you can ride all this out for at least another two weeks. I get that three months seems huge when you're feeling this crummy. I'd say that if in the next two weeks, this doesn't die down some -- or, if it all winds up getting more severe with wide effects -- it's probably safe to assume you and this particular pill just aren't a good fit. And if that turns out to be the case, and you still want to try and stick with the pill, you can contact your prescribing physician, let them know which side effects you had and how badly, and they can use that information to give you a scrip for another brand or type of pill that might work better.

In terms of your relationship with this sexual partner, you know, you're really the only one who can figure out if it's working for you, and if you want to keep seeing someone you only see every few weeks. However, I'd make your birth control decisions separate from this -- including things like not picking a possible method you may want because you feel like you can't have periods or spotting when you see this person (and that's something we can talk about in general, if you want).

In other words, I'd decide what you want to do about birth control as something about you, not about this relationship. For sure, if you know that you are someone who feels like, at the current time, you don't want or need a method you have to take or use every day, because sex for you is more occasional (though I'd say sex once every three weeks often is pretty average for a lot of people, including people in full-time relationships that aren't new), then it makes sense to think about methods from that standpoint. But I don't think it's sound to mash up both these decisions into one another, if you get what I mean. If you want to keep seeing this guy, and if you want to keep using this particular method are different choices about different things.

[zooeym]

Thanks, that's pretty helpful. Actually I would really rather not be on the pill at all. I'm a total health freak, as in yoga and healthy eating and all that, and i don't feel like subjecting my body to artificial hormones is best for my long-term health. But there's not too many other options, and I guess if the symptoms go away they're okay for now. I'm also super worried about the terrible acne/hairloss etc. people tend to get when coming off them, because I'm vain. I was researching diaphragms for a while, to use with condoms, but they seem to be very very out of fashion and hard to find these days. My local FPC wouldn't fit me for one. I've also heard a lot of horror stories about the IUD...so I just feel like birth control is always a hassle, and it's so crappy. being a woman sucks...obviously you can't help with this I'm just ranting

You're right, but the period thing is important right now. I'm not sure it is a totally separate issue. I'm seeing the guy soon so I suppose I will see how I feel after that. I guess I'm just at a bit of a loss in terms of where I go from here, and what I want from a relationship, and if contraception was easy it would be much less of a problem.

Thanks though Heather, this is a super useful thing to have.

[Heather]

Do you want to talk about your other options soundly, rather than based on hearsay?

[zooeym]

Sure, sorry. I think I spend too much time online looking at reviews and blogs.
What's your opinion of one size fits all diaphragms you can order online? Are they legit? Also, do you think IUDs are a good option if I have short cycle? Any other advice would be fab

[Karyn]

I am not aware of any one size fits all diaphragms; to the best of my knowledge all diaphragms (and cervical caps, a smaller but similar method) need to be fitted by a healthcare provider to make sure they are the right size and as effective as possible.

Whether an IUD would be a good option for you depends on what type of IUD you're looking at (one type has a tiny amount of localized hormone to help counteract the heavier periods that can be a side effect of IUDs). If an IUD is something you're interested in, the best person to talk to is a healthcare provider, but you can get a good overview of birth control options here: Birth Control Bingo!

[Heather]

I'd also add that if you feel like, for now, what you'd like most is only a method to use when you're having sex, and know that isn't at all likely to be daily, then you might feel best considering at-time-of-use methods: condoms, cervical barriers (the contraceptive sponge is one that can be bought over the counter and doesn't need a fitting), maybe a couple packs of Plan B so if you are using condoms alone and have any issues (slips, breaks, it not being worn the whole time), then you can do a one-time use with that as needed.

Too, know that we do have a lot of study with the pill, including for long-term use, and there really isn't any data that for most people it creates any health issues. Yes, those hormones are synthetic, but they are versions of the same ones you have in your body, and just as safe for most people -- and just as null in terms of long-term issues -- as say, condoms, eating soy products or doing a headstand pose without a spotter, for that matter. Not saying that to make you okay with the pill if it isn't what you want, but if a hormonal method is otherwise what you want, know that for most people and most of those methods, the idea of them not being healthy long-term isn't based in any data or science, but on hearsay or fears.

[Heather]

And I hear you. Dealing with contraception, even with all the choices many people have now, can be a serious drag sometimes. The good news is you probably will only need to for another 20-30 years! No big wait, there.

[zooeym]

Hahahaha thanks! The male pill can't come soon enough right?

I'll look into the sponge and try and find a GP who'll fit the diaphragm if this pill doesn't work out. But I think you're definitely right about the scaremongering. It does seem like a lot of the anti-pill stuff online comes from pro-lifers who hate most birth control and try to push 'natural family planning', which sounds dodge, even with the little computer.

Anyway thanks loads for all your help. I guess I'm probably overthinking the issue (I tend to do that with everything). Being a total hypochondriac doesn't help!

[Heather]

Or menopause. (Says the person whose body is taking way too long to go all the way there and has decided, apparently, to be halfway there until the end of time.)

You know though, I'd say that once you DO get sound information, everyone really is their own best expert when it comes to finding and knowing the methods that are most right for them. So, if and when you feel like crap with something (over time, not right away, as any change with your body can result in temporary yuckies of some kind) or just don't feel like it's right for you, that is something to pay attention to and give weight.

The right method or methods generally will be methods we feel are a good fit with our lives and what we want and need.

(I did not mention FAM, btw, because you sounded like you didn't want to use something where you had to do a thing every day. But if that's a non-issue, it does pair very well with condom use, and if you already spend a good deal of time and focus on your body and health, charting fertility might be something that doesn't feel like a drag for you. Just tossing one more option on the pile.)

[Heather]

Also, is there a Brook centre near you? (http://www.brook.org.uk/our-services) They list diaphragms in their contraceptive services, so chances are, if you can get to one, that's something they could do for you.