Scarleteen

Hi

I was messaging you all quite a bit a few years ago. Thought now would be a good time to reach back out.

After a four year battle with fibroids, I had a hysterectomy at the end of May. I graduated from college on May 13th, and had the surgery 13 days later.

I am extremely lucky to have had a super easy recovery, and I know I made the correct decision health wise, but I am still processing everything.

The main reason why I reached out a few years ago was because I suddenly had a very strong sex drive after thinking that I was asexual. I have since experimented with some kink activities, and have had a lot of fun. I have yet to lose my virginity, but am in no hurry. But I just haven't had any kink drive lately.

My problematic uterus definately inhibited my urges, but before things started getting problematic towards the end of last January, when I told my mom I couldn't take how much pain I was in much longer, and said I wanted the hysterectomy, I was able to try new things once in a while.

I was promised that having a hysterectomy wasn't going to affect my sex drive. I was hoping that after I had enough time to recover, that I would be ready to start experimenting again, but I haven't felt much of anything.

The closest I have come to any sort of drive was that a couple of weeks ago I had a dream where someone got into my bed and started cuddling me. Which was really nice, but it didn't last very long because I got sick in my dream. I want to go back into that head space again, but I haven't been able to.

I know that there isn't anything wrong with me, I have just had some unusual health circumstances. I'm glad that it is okay to be in my 20s and not know what I want, but it doesn't change that every now and then, I am still troubled by it.

I recently watched the movie "Reality Bites", and the scene where Winona Ryder said, "It's not like I had a hysterectomy, I just lost my job." hit a little too close to home. I'm sure that is why I have been thinking about my circumstances more lately.

Hi Rocky, it's good to see you again!

First off, I just want to say that I'm so glad you were able to get the kind of care you needed, especially since getting a hysterectomy at your age is something a lot of healthcare providers can be very weird about. Also, big congrats on graduating from college!

You're right that in a lot of cases, a hysterectomy isn't tied to a loss or decrease in sexual desire. But the tricky thing is, while it's not a common side effect, it is still reported by some people who get that procedure, because bodies are variable in how they react to things. So it may very well be that it's playing a role in your lack of interest in sex.

That being said, how would you say your life and stress levels are more generally? Have you been dealing with any big life changes, or things that are causing you to experience ongoing stress? I ask because our interest in sex is influenced by so many things, and a big one is often how we're feeling overall.

For a stressor, I have been in job hunting purgatory for the past several months. I don't think it is an exaggeration when I say I must have applied for about 100 jobs by now. I came super close to getting hired as a delivery driver, but I couldn't master reverse driving. I'm glad that I have a good relationship with my parents, and that they know I am trying, and that I just need to be patient, but I was hoping that I would be employed by now. My surgery played a role in why I couldn't apply for a job sooner.

It is something I have been trying not to think about too much. I have been reading a lot, and spend time with my friends. But that stress is still there a little, which I am sure is perfectly understandable.

I do also mourn my not being able to physically have kids sometimes. The idea of mourning not being able to feel the symptoms of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth seems a bit weird, but I'm sure that is also understandable.

I would like to mention that I still have my ovaries. I don't know if the removal of ovaries would have affected sex drive or not.

As of now, I would like to be able to have that dream again sometime, but this time not panicking and getting sick, and just enjoy what is going on.

It does look like ovary removal is usually the culprit for big changes to interest in sex post-hysterectomy, so that does make it less likely that the surgery is solely the cause here.

And oof, job hunting purgatory would certainly do it in terms of stress. I'm so sorry it's taking so long, though I'm glad to hear your parents are at least supportive so that you have some stability while you're stuck hunting for jobs.

While it's hard to control our dreams, I do wonder if it would be worth it to try and fantasize about similar things to what you dreamed about as you're falling asleep. Even if that doesn't lead to the dreams themselves, sometimes just slipping into a really pleasant fantasy is fun in and of itself.