Scarleteen

I’m new to the whole sexual scene and im currently with my first ever boyfriend whos taken to pleasuring me with his fingers and cunnilingus. However, only one finger of mine fits when i try to pleasure myself and hes only used one finger on me which has also felt a little painful afterwards sometimes. so this makes me wonder how the hell his whole penis will be able to fit into me if two fingers cant even fit into me. i also have not regularly masturbated and have only tried once when i realised only one finger could fit. Another thing is, when my boyfriend goes down in on me, i dont feel any crazy omg eyes rolling back toes curling moaning out satisfaction. and its hard to know how to guide him into making it more satisfactory because ive never had any other head besides his so i wouldnt really know what would make the head better or what i would like so i dont know how to make it better. and i just dont know what makes it good you know or if cunnilingus is even supposed to feel good or just basic. hope i can get some help soon because i really like him and his devotion to pleasuring me and would like to enjoy it more and make the most out of it pretty soon as i’d like if we could get to explore ourselves more often and i would like to enjoy it if we got to doing it more often. any help is appreciated, thank you!

Welcome to the boards, fantasybaby08!

It’s great that you and your boyfriend are committed to making sure you are experiencing pleasure while being sexually active together. When you are being sexual together, do you know if you’re feeling desire and arousal? Usually, if there is pain, it can mean that we aren’t fully aroused. And do you feel comfortable letting your boyfriend know if you’re in pain while you’re being sexual?

It can definitely take time to actually get a sense of what we enjoy sexually, and the more we explore, the more we are usually able to understand our bodies. More generally, it sounds like it might be helpful to do some more self-exploration of your own body to get to know it and your sexuality better. You mentioned that you haven’t masturbated regularly. Would you be interested in masturbating more as a means of seeking pleasure on your own and getting to know what you like and dislike? If you feel comfortable doing so, that can often be a really great way to know what gives us pleasure, and to communicate that to the people we are being sexual with. Here are some resources on masturbation and pleasure that might be helpful to read through:

• Sexual Response & Orgasm: A User's Guide

• Having trouble reaching oragasm? Masturbation is your friend

• Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

Thank you for the response. While i appreciate the articles attached that i will definitely give a look, i don’t think i’ll be getting into masturbation just yet. i think i will come around, however my reservations with masturbation come from not necessarily knowing how to approach it. how do i get myself aroused to the point of being ready to stimulate myself and insert my fingers? in past experiences when i’ve been aroused by sexually graphic content and tried to rub my clitoris and touch surrounding areas, it hasnt felt good or bad or satisfactory, it has just felt like i was touching and rubbing, nothing more. And with getting head from my boyfriend, since its been suggested to get to know myself better to give him pointers, how would i give him pointers on giving me head? i obviously cant give myself head and then give him pointers so how would i go about helping him improve in that area? is receiving head supposed to feel intensely great or is getting head meant to actually evoke just a universally know regular and basic reaction that maybe i dont know of? i’d really appreciate some great pointers on how to get around these so i can get to enjoying certain intimate experiences with my partner as soon as i can. and i forgot to say, yes i do find myself feeling quite aroused when things arw about to follow. my arousal even gets to the point where i sometimes wish i could have him inside of me, but i know i’m not ready for that, as i evidently still need to get around the basics. i was actually quite surprised with the most recent experience that resulted in the little bit of pain because the experience prior to that was actually quite good and felt pleasurable and sort of ticklish to say. so maybe when i felt pain afterwards i wasnt as lubricated? because i remember when he went to touch me and started caressing me down there, i realised i wasnt wet enough, but i gradually got wetter as he continued touching me but after his fingers went in it was a little painful. so i think maybe the difference between the most recent experience and the one prior to it was lubrication. because the one before was so smooth and nice and pleasurable and was completely different to the most recent i described. its actually quite confusing to me how experiences can differ so much, like how can one be so good and the next quite mediocre? anyway, i think navigating this whole new dynamic is actually quite a lot for me because theres so much to learn and experience and take time with, it almost seems like to me things will never get to where they should. sorry if this was a bit long or too much, i appreciate all the help i can get. <3

Hi fantasybaby08,

You know, there isn't really one approach to masturbation that works for everyone, or one way of approaching it that everyone "should" be doing. As you'll read in those articles Nadine linked to, what feels good during masturbation varies from person to person, and can also vary for an individual person from instance to instance. So really, the main piece of advice I can give you about masturbation is to approach it from a place of curiosity and exploration, rather than coming to it with the belief that it has to include certain things or feel a specific way.

As far as arousal during masturbation goes, sexual media is certainly something some people find helpful in helping them get and stay aroused. When you've tried masturbating in the past, do you feel like you stay engaged with the sexual media that lead to that arousal? Or is it more that once you start masturbating, it feels like you lose focus or get bored?

With oral sex, there's no one way it's supposed to feel. As with masturbation, what does or doesn't feel good to a person during partnered sex is super variable. So some people find oral sex is their favorite, others find it underwhelming, others don't like it, and so on. While you're right that you can't perform oral sex on yourself, masturbation can still be helpful by helping you learn things like what parts of your genitals do or don't feel pleasurable when touched (whether that's by a hand, tongue, or something else).

I think you're likely right that the time you noticed more discomfort was tied to there being less lubrication when he started touching you, since lube plays a big role in sex feeling comfortable and pleasurable. But to your bigger question about how experiences can vary so much, the answer is that our experiences of sex are influenced by a LOT of different things; stress, hormones, the environment around us, what else is going on in our lives, how are bodies are feeling that day, etc. So something that feels great one day might feel boring or bad on another. Does that make sense?

Edited to add: if possible, can you break up your posts into paragraphs? Big blocks of text are harder for us to read and process.

Yes i think when i’ve tried i feel like i lose focus and get bored. To be honest, i really wouldn’t know how to go about masturbating and getting things going.

like what would turn me on, keep me going, or what would work to start what will lead to using my fingers etc. i don’t know anything about it, and yes that does make sense.

However i will definitely dig into those articles as soon as possible and give you feedback if thats okay.

I would also like to know if regular masturbation and “practice” can eventually lead to being able to use two fingers instead of just one? and can this is also lead to a better experience with PIV sex?

Yep, you're welcome to come back to us with more questions once you've read those articles. I'll add that this one could also be really helpful when it comes to finding fantasies to keep you engaged during masturbation: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms

Masturbation won't necessarily lead to you being able to insert more than one finger, since being able to insert things into the vaginal canal depends on things like lube, arousal, relaxation, and some other factors. That being said, masturbation can help partnered sex be more enjoyable because it gives you information about your body and pleasure that you can then communicate to your partner.

(fantasybaby08: I moved this thread to an area where you can talk to staff and users and deleted the copy of it you made to start a new one with the same questions just because you also wanted user interaction. Now you get both your ongoing conversation and anyone else can chime in if they want.)