Trying to understand my body better

[Kamille]

Hello!

I'm here in the hopes to understand myself better when it comes to sexuality.

I'm mid-sexually active because my partner and I are long-distances and we can't see each other as much as I would for a lot of reasons. We are both in our mid-twenty and actually, he's the very first partner I've been having sex with. It's been a little over one year and I've got a problem.

I'm a woman and I would probably consider myself like an early bloomer and I was used to masturbate since I was quite young, but I never really had sex until I met him. When we started it the very first time, it went alright at first because it was foreplay (mostly for me) but when he tried to penetrate me, it just wouldn't.

We tried the missionary; I tried to be over him when he was lying down, or sitting but there was nothing. It wasn't until I proposed to get on all four and that he goes behind that it worked. Otherwise, it was as if I was too tight for him to get inside. And since, that's the only position we can do to be sure he gets inside.

I know it should hardly be a problem of lubrication because a lot of times, I've been stimulated well and I often ask him to use lube as well. I have toys that I succeed to get in my vagina, but usually after enough stimulation (I must admit that I tend to be less prepared for toys than him, but I also think the toys are slightly thinner than him. I don't really have reference to know if he has a "big dick" or not as he's really my first relationship).

In the end, it feels frustrating to only be able to do that one position, as it isn't even a really intimate one. I can't see him, hold him, and I'm just face first in the mattress (of course, my knees hurt sometimes) but I also want to have sex with him. And we don't experiment much recently because we tend to go too far in the foreplay and once he's ready, he just wants to be inside me and not start trying to find another position.

Is there an explanation for it? Something that I could do to change it so we could finally switch around the position? Anything?

I thank you already for the future answers.

[Latha]

Hi Kamille- welcome to the boards!

You're already doing a lot of what we would suggest- focusing on foreplay, making sure you're properly lubricated, and trying different positions. I can totally see why you'd want more options in terms of the latter. If I may ask, have you been able to use sex toys in other positions, like missionary? If you have, maybe you and your partner could start by using a sex toy together in the position that you want. Once you are comfortable with that, you could work up to PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex.

Have you talked to your partner about wanting to experiment with positions more?

[Kamille]

Hi, thanks for the reply!

The weird thing is that usually, when masturbating with hands or toys, I need to be on my back for it to be effective (Although I'm think it's more of a lack of stamina for it).

I will keep in mind the idea of starting with the toy and then see if my body accept that way finally.

And yes, we talked about it, although it is mostly through messages when we are apart but I'll talk about it again next time.