Scarleteen

I know that it's maybe a cliché but when can I have sex? Am I ready for that? All I know is that there is no age of consent in my country. That means I can't have sex unless I get marry.

Hi Mika,

There's not going to be a time--whether that's age, stage in relationship, etc-- that's the best for everyone. A big part of that is because there are a LOT of components that go into being ready for sex, and when those components are present varies from person to person. You can read all about that here: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist.

Too, if you know that having sex before marriage carries social or legal risks where you live, then it may very well be that the soundest choice is to wait until you're married to be sexual with another person.

But that's unfair and ridiculous that there are so many countries which premarital sex is allowed but my country isn't. what if I don't want to marry and have sex with who I like?

Hi Mika.m,

You're right, you should be able to have sex with consenting partners, you shouldn't feel pressured to marry, and it is unfair and ridiculous that premarital sex carries legal and social risks in Iran. I understand this- premarital sex can carry social risks where I live too

The thing is, we cannot in good conscience advise you to ignore those risks. It's not that you would not be able to find a partner- people most definitely do have premarital sex in your country, despite the restrictions. It is that, no matter how careful you are, there are things you will not be able to control, and the potential costs for you and any of your partners would be very high.

I'm sure you know all that- I'm sorry that it is like this.

If you do want to have sex, try to wait until you're in an environment where you are confident that you can discreetly find partners, and consider avoiding the kinds of sex that can cause pregnancy. Birth control can reduce pregnancy risks by a lot, but no method is 100 percent effective.