Scarleteen

hey guys, so i'm aromantic and asexual. i've never felt romantic or sexual attraction towards anyone and i've never had a crush. i am also disgusted by images or videos of genitals or nipples (all genders).

however, i really love romance and the idea of sex. i love reading or watching romance in fiction and i love shipping! i fantasize about sex constantly, pretty much everyday. when i'm imagining, things aren't in high detail. i think i might be okay with having sex in the dark or low light actually.

i think about being in a relationship all the time and i really really want to feel romantic feelings, but i just.. don't. i'm not sure what would happen when i actually try these things out. i.e. i don't know if i would enjoy it, be indifferent, or be disgusted. it just devastates me when i think about this and i'm incredibly jealous and bitter about people who do feel romantic and sexual attraction.

i'm currently sixteen and i don't really have friends. i don't plan on attempting to engage in amorous relations until i'm an adult, but i don't have any real reason for that (besides the friends thing). how should i move forward with this predicament i'm in? do you think it'll turn out okay for me?

Hi there, DottyContrarian- welcome to the boards!

I can completely see how this predicament would be stressful and confusing, but I think you're doing a great job observing yourself to try and understand what you would want. At this point, I think having a little patience, and giving yourself time and the opportunity to collect more data will help you answer your questions. Let me explain what I mean.

The fact that you haven't experienced romantic feelings yet doesn't mean you never will. I am not only saying this because you're young. I think that as long as we have time left to live, we can always experience new things, and we will still have the capacity to surprise ourselves. It may be that you haven't met the kind of person that you would be interested in. As you may know, if you did experience such romantic feelings in the future, it would not necessarily mean that you are not aromantic- there is a spectrum, after all.

i'm not sure what would happen when i actually try these things out. i.e. i don't know if i would enjoy it, be indifferent, or be disgusted

Sometimes, you can confidently tell if you would like something new, other times, it isn't so obvious. This is one of those situations. I think finding the answers to these questions would be easier if you had more information- making friends could help with that. After all, there are aspects of friendships that translate over to romantic relationships, and learning about how it feels to be around different people might give you a better sense of what you would want. (Of course, we're here for you if you want some support and advice about making friends.)

Remember that you are not on a time limit to experience romance or sex- you have time to figure this out and build the kinds of relationships that will make you happy. Navigating relationships with other people and your own feelings may be difficult at times, as it usually is for human beings existing in the world. But I fully believe that it will turn out okay for you.