Scarleteen

I’m a 21 year old transmasculine non-binary person and I’ve never been to a gynecologist before. I think I’m supposed to visit one every year since starting puberty, but my mother never took me to one when I did start puberty, and I think she just… forgot? I never brought it up with her, I don’t like talking about sexuality with her. Every time I mention the fact that I’m queer she acts like she’s uncomfortable. I’m not sexually active, is it still worth visiting a gynecologist regularly? I don’t even know how I would go about visiting one, especially since I’m in a rural area and I don’t know how many trans-accepting doctors are in my area. I’m worried about being misgendered if I visit a gynecologist’s office. I haven’t even talked to my primary care physician since before the pandemic, even he doesn’t know that I’m trans yet. My mother stopped taking me to the doctor when COVID happened and I haven’t had a PCP visit since.

Hi Spoken9644- welcome to the boards!

Oof, I'm sorry your mother isn't being supportive- I completely understand why you wouldn't want to discuss your sexuality and sexual health with her. But it is great that you are thinking about this on your own. You're at a good age to start visiting a gynecologist now, since 21 is the recommended age to start getting pap smears. If you found a good doctor, I think it would be worth it to start visiting one regularly, even if you are not sexually active.

The process of finding a good doctor can be confusing at the best of times, so I can see why you're at a loss. Start by looking through these directories. they might be less likely to list doctors who practice in rural areas, but I think it is worth a shot.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory
The OutList LGBTQ+ Affirming Provider Directory

Search for gynecologists near you, and look through their profiles and websites. Hopefully, they'll mention it if they are trans-friendly. If they don't, see if you can find any reviews for the doctors that note the same. Lastly, you could make a throwaway email account and send inquiries to different doctors about their policies regarding trans people. That should let you find answers with anonymity.

Do you know if your PCP is trans-accepting? If they are, you could ask them for references when you have an appointment with them.

Here are some articles of ours that might be useful:
Your First Gynecologist Visit
Dealing With Doctors: Taking Control of Your Health Care Destiny

If you want, we can help you think about other things, like the logistics of how you would get to the doctor's office. Let us know if you have any other questions.