I'm 18 (virgin) and I can't finger myself. Is something wrong with my body?

[someplacelese]

This has been bothering me for more than a year. Ever since I started masturbating I have only been able to do so through clitoral stimulation. I've tried to finger myself many times before, and each time I was properly aroused and naturally lubricated, but I simply couldn't fit my fingers inside of me. The further I have gone has been one finger with some discomfort, but as soon as I try to insert two fingers it hurts like hell, especially at the "rim" of the vaginal opening (I don't know if that's the correct term for it). I experience a burning sensation and I'm unable to go past that point. I looked for answers on the internet and I'm simply lost, I have no idea if it's just my hymen or if I have some sort of condition like vaginismus.
It worries me that I'll never be able to lose my virginity or be with anyone in a sexual context because of this limitation. Is there any way I can fix this problem or is it necessary to see a gynecologist (which I'd honestly rather not do)?

PS: English isn't my mother tongue, sorry if there are any mistakes.

[Nadine E.]

Hi there someplacelese,

I get that this has been bothering you, and trying to figure out our bodies can certainly be a frustrating and confusing process. It’s important to keep in mind that each person’s body is different, and so for some people, inserting fingers or objects may feel pleasurable, while for others, it may not. Generally, though, if you’re experiencing any pain, it's important to take a step back and explore what may be causing it, so it's great that you're reaching out about this.

For background: The vagina is a muscular tube, so it stretches to accommodate and then returns to its previous state. That means that the vagina can fit whatever is inside of it under the right conditions. Specifically, when a person with a vagina is aroused sufficiently, their vagina actually loosens and their cervix pulls up to allow for comfortable insertion of an object. Moreover, hymens - thin tissue tethered just inside the vaginal opening and attached to the vaginal canal - wear away over time. While vaginal intercourse can contribute to that, hymens are elastic and don’t ‘break’. So that wouldn’t typically be preventing you from insertion (though there are very rare exceptions).

You shared that you’re usually properly aroused and naturally lubricated when you try insertion. It could still be, though, that your body isn’t actually as relaxed and aroused as it needs to be. If you’re approaching masturbation with the goal of insertion, or are going in already worried about not being able to insert your fingers, that can create some tension and pressure making it harder to be fully relaxed and aroused. Do you feel like that’s been the case for you at all?

Beyond masturbation and inserting your fingers, do you insert other things into your vagina, like tampons or a menstrual cup? If so, do you experience any pain when doing that?

[Sam W]

Hi someplacelese,

In addition to Nadine's very good points, I want to add that even if you could never insert anything into the vaginal canal, that wouldn't prevent you from being sexual with another person; plenty of people have partnered sex that they enjoy that doesn't involve inserting anything into the vagina canal (too, virginity isn't a physical state; it's a social concept, meaning that what a person defines as being, or not being, a virgin is up to them).