sexually frustrated

[mreoww]

Ok so im 13(f) and ive been really sexually frustrated. Masturbating didnt help ive tried A LOT of things and nothing has been working. I cant buy sex toys nor can I make DIY ones and obviously i cant have sex or well it wouldnt be the best dicision. ive also tried non sexual things and those didnt work either and im just really stressed and dont know waht to do and i want o get help as soon as possible.

[Willa]

Hi Mreoww, Welcome to the boards

When you say you are sexually frustrated and masturbating is not helping- does this mean you are not reaching orgasm or just that masturbating is not pleasurable? It can take some time to learn what works for your body and what is pleasurable for you. One thing I would say is that if you are in a state of high stress, it is going to be harder for your body and mind to be relaxed enough to reach a state of arousal. It may be helpful to take some time to focus less on the result and more focus on staying present and relaxed. One source that may be useful to you is https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexu ... sers_guide, which explains the process of sexual response. Does this all make sense?

[mreoww]

Both actually its not pleasurable and I cant reach orgasm. I forgot to mention but this has been going on for about 1 year. And I never ONLY focus on having an orgasm it just generally doesnt feel good enough to stop like the whole aroused state. And I dont have trouble getting wet or anything at all but then i just cant find anything that gets rid of it again.

[Willa]

Hi Mreoww,

Thank you for the added context, that is helpful. Were you able to take a look at the resource I posted for you? Taking a look at that and telling me what you think could help understand more how to tackle this problem. There is some advice and other links toward the end of the article, especially under the header "The Miracle of Masturbation" that I think may be helpful specifically with exploring things that feel good. Are there things that you do find pleasurable? For example some people respond more to insertion while others respond more to clitoral stimulation. Focusing on and spending time exploring those types of stimulation that you know is pleasurable may be more useful than trying new things. Is this more helpful?

[mreoww]

Sadly didnt help a lot like I said i tried tons of things. Different methods,diffrent speed,touching the whole body,massage, reading or watching anything erotic. I always made sure to be calm and before starting I try to relax a bit but NOTHING has been working even the slightest bit.

[Sam W]

Hi Mreoww,

That does sound frustrating!

I think it might help to actually back up a bit. When you experience sexual frustration, is it that you feel a sort of general arousal that you wish would go away or feel like you need to relieve? Or is it more you encounter something that specifically arouses you and then aren't able to get that arousal to dissipate as fast as you'd like?

[mreoww]

Both kind of? Ill explain a bit! Basically i get aroused and I obvi want to relieve them. And nothing helps against them so I end up being frustrated and they end up making it hard for me to concentrate and all that. Constantly feeling like my body is burning and stuff. It never goes away quick it does take a while.

[Sam W]

Got it. So, if masturbation has been consistently unpleasurable or frustrating, one option would be to take a break from trying it for awhile and see if there are other ways of relieving, or just ignoring, those feelings of arousal that might work for you. You can read some suggestions for things to try in this piece and see if any sound doable to you: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _the_first

Can I ask if masturbation is the only time you struggle to feel pleasure? Or do not experience pleasure more generally?

[mreoww]

The problem is if I dont masturbate i get distracted constantly I get dizzy if I ignore it for too long. And its mostly only masturbation but it does happen with other things.

[Sam W]

So, some of managing this may be about learning to push through a persistent feeling of arousal because, as you're likely already experiencing, there will be times where we feel intense arousal but can't do anything about it because we're at school, or work, etc. We can certainly talk about ways to approach that if it would be helpful.

That being said, with the dizziness you feel, does that only happen if you're aroused? And does it get to the point where you're too dizzy to do things like stand up or move?

The reason I asked about pleasure is that sometimes, a lack of pleasure from masturbation is part of a bigger pattern where someone has something going on that inhibits their ability to feel pleasure more generally. But if the lack of pleasure only happens with masturbation, then sometimes exploring non-sexual things that bring us pleasure can guide us into ways to make masturbation more pleasurable.

[mreoww]

Sometimes its so bad that I can barely stand. I also cried a lot of times because I just couldnt get rid of it. And non-sexual things are just......I dont find joy in them at all. I did try it out before but my arousal was too strong so one wrong move when i was maybe like...doing yoga and suddenly my body feels hot and it just wont go away

[Sam W]

If you're getting dizzy to the point you're struggling to stand, that suggests it's time to check in with a healthcare provider about this, since that's a very intense symptom to have as a result of arousal. It may be that there's an underlying cause of the dizziness that can be addressed.

Do you struggle to find joy in things even when you're not aroused and already struggling to focus. Or is it just that when you're at that state of high arousal, nothing else is interesting or enjoyable?

[mreoww]

I totally would but im WAY to scared to even tell my parents about it. And i struggle to find joy normally too but it just gets stronger when im aroused

[Sam W]

Would it help to brainstorm some ways to bring it up with your parents? There are probably ways of presenting it to them that don't involve going into a lot of detail.

Does that struggle to feel joy seem like a recent development? Or has it been going on for a while?

[mreoww]

since i was like 9 maybe. And yeah (About the telling my parents thing) I wont reply soon since i have to eat now

[Sam W]

That's okay, we'll be here for when you get back!

With telling your parents, how do you feel about starting by telling them that you're having times where you're so dizzy you can't stand, and that it doesn't seem to be due to something like not eating or drinking enough? That lets them know what's going on that you want to see a healthcare provider about, without you having to talk about masturbation or arousal.

If you have a persistently low mood and continuously struggle to enjoy things, that may also be something to bring up with a healthcare provider, as it may indicate an underlying condition or mood disorder that could be managed or treated.

[mreoww]

My mom strictly believes that I’m dizzy because I don’t drink enough and she doesn’t believe me at all so that might get difficult

[Sofi]

Would your dad be more receptive perhaps? If you approach it as Sam explained, and tell them you've tried to drink more fluids and it hasn't helped and is getting worse, that should seem important enough to see a professional. I agree with Sam that this is a pretty intense symptom of arousal and seeking a medical opinion on it would be best.

[mreoww]

I barely talk to my dad about serious things and if I do he basically HAS to tell my mom

[Heather]

It really does sound to me like you need a healthcare evaluation. How about telling your Dad the parts that are most concerning: the dizziness and burning. (Personally, I don’t think anything around arousal or s a likely medical issue.) If he also tells your mom, that’s fine.

Are your parents often reluctant to help you access healthcare?

One other option if you’re in school is to bring these issues to a school nurse or in-school clinic if you have one.

[mreoww]

I honestly trust him even less I only see him like two time every two weeks. And the school knows i get dizzy but they think its because i dont drink enough aswell

[mreoww]

Also its most definitely arousal i dont have ANY medical problems and this only happens when im aroused

[Heather]

So, we seem to be at an impasse here.

Ultimately, you can try all you can to go get a healthcare evaluation (you didn’t answer my question about if your parents have been reluctant to get you medical care in general) and either get that care or go without it. Or, you can decide you’d rather not, and just see what comes of this over time.

But we can’t really do much from here besides trying to help you do what you can to get a medical evaluation, because we can’t be a stand-in for it online. To get to the bottom of this, someone will have to get some healthcare information about you — things like bloodwork — that we can’t.

[mreoww]

Oh yeah sorry I forgot to answer.They do take me to like doctors when something is wrong however they say me being dizzy and all that comes from things like not drinking enough or simply being nervous. There’s a organisation called Pro familia I think I’ll contact them just to get some extra support

[Sam W]

I'm glad to hear they're willing to take you to a healthcare provider at least some of the time, although it seems like the issue is that they're only willing to help you when they perceive an issue, rather than actually listening to you when you tell them about the dizziness and other symptoms.

Hopefully contacting Pro Familia is helpful! I will say that, unless they're able to offer you an in-person appointment, that still leaves you with the choice Heather outlined above, because the kind of evaluation needed to help you get to the bottom of what's going on is going to involve blood work or other things that have to happen in person.