Late second period + managing OCD symptoms during pregnancy scare

[hedera]

Hi! Sorry for the long post, but I kind of have two long questions.

You might have seen my last post regarding an unusual period after taking emergency BC. Here's a quick TLDR:

On Dec. 3rd, my partner and I had sex (with a condom). It didn't seem to break, but it also didn't feel quite right afterwards, so I took emergency BC a couple of hours later. It was around my expected ovulation day (I actually made a mistake in that post, as I said it was 7 days after my last period, but it was actually closer to 12-13). My December period was then about 2-3 days late and quite unusual compared to my regular periods (4-5 days of practically nothing on the pad, but regular, intense cramps and blood clots + bright red blood on toilet paper/during showers; in the last 2 days, I managed to fill pads).

I took a pregnancy test around January 5th and it came back negative. I'm confident I did it right, since this would be my 10th/11th test taken, so I'm pretty used to it by now. I took it as soon as I woke up (8AM-ish) and waited as long as it said on the box (5min). There were no faint lines or anything, so I threw it away after an extra minute.

My period was supposed to come on Jan. 13th. I felt some cramping 1-2 days before, which is normal for me. However, it's been 4 days and I haven't started bleeding yet. I feel the occasional light cramp, and I'm having pretty solid mood swings and headaches.

Since I did have (what seemed to be) a period last month and a negative pregnancy test (and no sex since Dec. 3rd), I wouldn't be so concerned. However, my sister had a cryptic pregnancy last year, and she consistently kept getting periods with no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever for the first 4.5 months of pregnancy, so I can't help but worry it might happen to me.

I'm aware that periods can be late because of stress, but I've definitely been under more stress than this and it's never affected my periods. The last time it came later than 1-3 days was 5 years ago (10 days late), when I was in high school, and I'm in my 3rd year of university now...

I'm not sure what to do anymore. How long is it deemed okay for a period to be late before I should really start worrying? Could it be because of the EBC I took, even though it's been a month and a half already? And do you think there's a chance I could still somehow be pregnant?

Also, there's another thing I've been wanting to ask here. I hope it's okay if I do it in the same post here, since it's still somewhat related to the problem above.

My mother has had diagnosed OCD since her youth, and I have reasons to believe I may also have it, as I do experience lots of pretty obvious symptoms that point to OCD. Whenever I have a pregnancy scare (which is more often that I'd like to admit), my anxiety tends to consume me.

I scour the internet to reassure myself that I'm not pregnant, reading the same articles and resources for the 250th time, over-analyzing every little physical change I feel (I probably imagine half of them, tbh). I compulsively take pregnancy tests, even after getting several properly-taken negatives, as I just can't seem to trust them, despite 99% accuracy, because what if I'm the 1%?
I'm even considering booking an ultrasound this time, but I'm afraid I'd find some way to discredit that as well, and I just don't know how to stop irrationally worrying all the time.

I've tried to stop myself excessively Googling, testing and reading these boards, but I just can't seem to stop. I've talked to my partner too, and he tried to calm me, saying that he believes everything was likely fine with the condom and that it's probably nothing to worry about, but I'm still up in my head about it.

I've decided to take a break from sex for at least the next few months, as I don't want to deal with all this stress again. I'm just curious if you know of any good OCD or anxiety specific articles/websites/YouTube channels that could help me manage my compulsions and swirling negative thoughts and doubts, if I ever have a scare again. Stuff like, how to trust tests more (and stop needlessly testing so much), how to deal with someone close to you having a cryptic pregnancy, how to stop doom-Googling symptoms when it's all I can think about... etc.

I've seen a recent post on here about OCD ( viewtopic.php?f=5&t=13444&p=70498&hilit=ocd#p70498 ) and read the sources given in the reply, I was just wondering if there were any more specific sources, I suppose. I'm probably asking for too much lol, but it's worth a shot.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post!

[Heather]

Hi there, hedera. I'm so sorry that this is tormenting you in this way.

So, the medical rule of thumb when it comes to periods and concern is that if someone has missed or skipped periods or otherwise had something of concern happening for three or more cycles then it's time to be concerned. If that seems like a lot, it's probably because often our understanding of what is "normal" with periods isn't actually based on current and accurate data, so we can feel like the tiniest change means something is wrong. In reality, there's really no such thing as an "average" cycle, and things like missing a period, having how flow looks be different than we are used to, or having cycles suddenly change by a couple of weeks is actually really common, even when nothing about pregnancy is involved. Once you've had cycles for decades it's a lot easier to know and feel comfortable with those kinds of changes, though.

And in your case, there's also the EC in the mix, which often changes if and when periods happen and what they are like when they do, sometimes for one cycle, sometimes for several months down the line.

Given how many pregnancy tests you've taken, it couldn't be clearer that you aren't pregnant.

Ultimately, the last thing I'd suggest for you is focusing MORE on this -- like finding more videos, any of this. Whether or not an anxiety disorder is in the mix, one of the worst things we can do when we are hyperfocused on something and can't let it go is to stay focused on it. More and more on this topic is much more likely to just keep you feeling the way you have been than it is to relieve it. If there IS an anxiety disorder of some kind in the mix, it's even worse to do.

My best advice would be to work hard to find other things to focus on besides this. I would get rid of any more pregnancy tests you have and stop taking them: give them to a friend, whatever, but get them away from you. I 500% would not schedule an ultrasound (though in all honesty, it's not something you could do yourself anyway, a healthcare provider needs a compelling medical reason to schedule one for a patient, and you don't have one). I would do whatever you can to stop yourself from Googling or doing other searching around pregnancy and periods. I would make a list of other places your attention can go and pick things on that list if and when it comes back to this. I would also do whatever you know helps you manage and reduce stress (extra bonus if it's things like exercise, eating or rest, both of which tend to help cycles get into the groove).

(I do want to add that there is no 1% of people with 11 false negatives who is pregnant, not you, not anyone. No one with that meany negative tests who has taken them properly is pregnant. No one, I assure you.)

I think you should also look into some mental healthcare, both for an evaluation with OCD or other anxiety, and also for some extra support right now. Does your university have student mental health services, by any chance?

[hedera]

Hi! Thanks for the quick reply.

I'd like to clear up one misunderstanding – I haven't taken 11 tests this cycle, just the one on January 5th. I meant I've taken 11 or 12 in the past half a year maybe, in the sense that I know how to take them, which is why I'm confident the one I took 2 weeks ago was taken correctly. I haven't done any since then, but during past scares I did take multiple a few times, just in case. I'm aware that if I got 11 negatives in 2 weeks, there would be practically no way I could be pregnant:)

However, that's part of my main stressor. The fact that I've only taken 1 test and having a late period makes the possibility of a false negative more real, and if I really am pregnant, I'd only have a week or two to confirm it and get an abortion, which is also why I was considering an ultrasound if I don't get my period soon.

Mental healthcare in my country is abysmal. Out of everyone I know who's visited a psychologist or psychiatrist here, maybe 2 of them had somewhat positive experiences, both with private clinics which tend to get very expensive. I've tried visiting a psychologist in the past and it had no use for me, as all they told me was to take a test on the internet. Until I rack up enough money to either get a foreign online therapist or move abroad, I don't really have the option of good quality therapy at the moment, unfortunately.

I'll definitely be trying to destress in some way.

[Heather]

Sorry for what I misunderstood!

You know, in this case, I think if you want to take a second test, and that feels okay to you, you can go ahead and do that. Even people who aren't worried the way you are will often take a second test a week or two after a first one if their period hasn't arrived as expected. That's why many test kits contain two tests. If it makes you feel less anxiety to take it when you know you have immediate access to more support, I'm happy to time when I'm here to suit that, if you like.

I'm sorry to hear that about your mental health options, but I also trust your judgment.

In that piece you linked to, we link to the headspace app (https://www.headspace.com/). Have you looked at that if an app is something you can use? If not, I think it might be a good support/stand-in for you until you can access good therapy.

[hedera]

Hi again!

Today I bought a batch of 3 tests. I'll be taking one tomorrow morning and another one the morning after. I took one a few minutes ago and it came out negative, so I'm already feeling a little better. I think if the next 2 come back negative as well, I might be at peace with this and just wait for my period to come.

I've looked at the headspace website briefly, is it only paid or are there free features too? Thanks for telling me either way.

[Sam W]

Hi Hedera,

It looks like Headspace used to offer a free option and no longer does. It does however look like it has a rate for students that shakes out to 86 cents a month, so if you're in any kind of school right now that may be a way to access at the lowest possible rate.

I'm glad you're already feeling better after testing again. I do want to highlight the recommendation Heather made initially, which is after this batch to not buy or take anymore tests, and to do what you can to take a break from researching or otherwise engaging with information around pregnancy or pregnancy scares. That break in and of itself will likely help reduce some of the anxiety you're dealing with.

[hedera]

Hello!

Since I’m in uni, I might look into the students rate, thanks!

I’d just like to say that, after a negative test this morning, I finally got my period in the afternoon and it seems all normal, so I’d say I’m confident there’s no baby in me. I’ve brought it all up to my partner as well and he was very understanding, we’ll be holding off from P/V sex for a while, until I get an IUD or another form of contraception to pair with condoms

Thanks for the support! I’m off to finally relax and not think about this anymore.

[Sam W]

You're welcome! And if you end up needing information or wanting to talk about those other methods to pair with condoms down the line, we're happy to help with that.