Can’t orgasm

[mreoww]

So I wrote on this before and my situation got a bit better I masturbate and it actually feels good. But now I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t have an orgasm. I’ve tried touching my whole body not just my pussy like my stomach,waist,nipples,legs and it felt good so I just went back to normal masturbating and I do feel it getting "stronger" but sometimes I just can’t continue and have to stop immediately or sometimes it just goes away completely by itself.
Also I have been try this for the past weeks my other post was to get a bit of help on the problem I had a few days ago.

[Latha]

Hi there, Mreoww!

Oof, I understand your frustration. Don't worry though, it is not that you can't orgasm, it is only that it hasn't happened yet.

It might be a good idea to go over what an orgasm is, and what having one might actually feel like. An orgasm is a brief peak in sexual excitement. People sometimes expect orgams to be very stong and obvious, but that doesn't always happen- they can feel more like a tickle, or a hiccup. In any case, orgasms are usually accompanied by an increase in muscle tension and relaxation, and a general sense of release. Have you noticed anything like this?

I have some other questions:

• You've mentioned that you just can't continue- I'm wondering why that happens. Is it that the sensations become too much? Do you get tired, or busy perhaps?

• If I may ask, how long do you usually spend masturbating? It can take a while to orgasm, it doesn't always happen in a few minutes.

Try not to focus too much on reaching orgasm. I know it can feel uncomfortable when you don't, but making it into a goal might take you out of the moment, and make you feel stressed. Both of those things can make it more difficult to orgasm, unfortunately.

[mreoww]

I havent expirienced any of those two feelings so far. The sensations get too much and I have to stop immediately. I normal do masturbat a bit more than 10 mins sometimes longer. Having an Orgasm was never my goal until now but even in the past I wasnt able to.

[Sam W]

Hi mreoww,

Before we dig into this more, I do want to check: does masturbating make the dizziness and other symptoms we talked about in your other thread worse at all? If so, it would be sound to hold off on masturbating until you have some answers about them.

[mreoww]

The dizziness thing only happens if I don’t masturbate the intense feelings I get when I do are a bit diffrent I can’t really explain honestly.

[mreoww]

im just gonna keep posting here while waiting lol. But uhm it’s gotten worse I can’t continue masturbating at all because it’s not pleasurable at all and I feel like having an orgasm might make me feel a bit. The problem I barely have anything I can use or whatever. My hands/fingers don’t really please me and I don’t have any toys at all. I don’t even have an electric toothbrush.

[Sam W]

Hi Mreoww,

Have you been able to talk with anyone about getting an appointment to talk with a doctor about your symptoms? If not, are there steps you can take today to move towards that?

I do want to say that if masturbation isn't pleasurable in general, then orgasm just isn't likely to occur period. It's not really something we can skip straight to, and if we're not enjoying the process of getting there, it's unlikely to happen. Too, if masturbation isn't feeling good, then even if you do reach orgasm it isn't likely to feel all that good either.

[mreoww]

I think I accidentally worded it wrong it doesn’t feel bad I do enjoy it but over time since I’ve only used my hands so far it gets boring and I kind of get used to it! And I’ll see if I get the confidence to talk to anyone about it since I normally keep almost everything to myself.

[Sofi]

We do think it would be good to talk to a doctor about your symptons like the dizziness because they are a bit concerning as you described them, and it's always better to be safe when it comes to health. As far as masturbation not being as enjoyable, are you able to get your hands on stuff to make a DIY toy, such as an electric toothbrush (you mentioned not currently having one), or anything on this post ?

[mreoww]

I’ll try to get to a doctor. I tried a cucumber for DIY before and it didn’t really do much? It definitely did feel better but idk. I mean I could get an electric toothbrush

[Willa]

Hi Mreoww,

Let us know if you would like any help or advice in either finding a doctor or talking to a parent about receiving medical care for these symptoms. Also taking a look at the post that Sofi linked for you can give you a good idea of how to proceed safely with these forms of DIY toys that you may be interested in. Is there anything else we can help you with at this time?

[mreoww]

I dont think so. However im pretty sure most DIY things require a condom for safety reasons or whatever. And I can’t access one are there any alternatives? Also is there a way to somehow contact a doctor without my mom finding out? Like I don’t even want her to know I’m getting help

[Sam W]

If you can't access condoms, then it might be wisest to hold off on using D.I.Y toys for the time being, since as you noted they generally need to be covered to be safe to use (and many of them can't be cleaned/sterilized the way sex toys sold as sex toys can).

There may be a way for you to set up this appointment on your own, and we could talk about the steps involved in that if you'd like. Is there a reason you don't want her to know you're going to the doctor?

[mreoww]

I just Dont want her to know not really a reason honestly. And if i shouldn’t use DIY since I can’t access condoms, what am i supposed to use then? Since my hands don’t give me enough pleasure to properly enjoy it.

[Sam W]

I totally get not wanting her to know, but I do think it's worth considering whether not looping her in on this feels worth the increased difficulty in getting care it's likely to result in. Too, depending on the privacy laws around healthcare and things like health insurance, there may not be a way to guarantee she won't find out anyway.

If masturbation isn't pleasurable for you with the tools you have access to, the honestly one of the sounder choices may be to take a break from it, rather than continue to do something that isn't pleasurable. When we push ourselves to masturbate when it doesn't actually feel good, that tends to just leave us feeling frustrated rather than being a positive experience.

[mreoww]

Maybe I’ll tell her to bring me to a doctor but not the reason why. Or I’ll make up something idk. And for me while masturbating isn’t as pleasurable, not masturbating makes me more frustrated than masturbating and not feeling good.

[Latha]

Hi Mreoww,

Maybe I’ll tell her to bring me to a doctor but not the reason why. Or I’ll make up something idk.

If your mother won't press you for answers, or if you can think of a suitable white lie, this could possibly work. I do want to say that there would be nothing wrong with telling her the truth. This is a legitimate health concern for you.

About not being able to access condoms. Are you concerned about the cost of buying them, or the fact that you would have to go out to buy them in the first place? There may be a way to get around that. Depending on where you live, you might have access to services that can send free condoms and lube to your home. These services are usually discreet and private, and you don't have to be an adult to access them. Do you think this is an option you could look into? Would your family look through your mail?

[mreoww]

They do look trough mail. Plus I don’t have the keys for that uhhh idk what it’s called it’s like a little save and I don’t have the keys for that

[Sam W]

Oh, if they use a post office box then I could see that making it difficult to have things come privately through the mail!

I do want to say that at a certain point, it's up to you to make the call as to whether the frustration you feel from skipping masturbation is better to deal with than the frustration that comes with masturbation. Sometimes our bodies just present us with situations where the solution isn't exactly what we want it to be.

[mreoww]

I can definitely handle the frustration i get from masturbation better than the one I get from NOT masturbating. I’ve seen someone suggest this but would like a glove like those thin ones( I hope you know what I mean) also work Instead of a condom?

[Latha]

Hi Mreoww,

Yes, gloves should work if they can cover the toy that you are using properly.

[Sam W]

I do want to add that when user gloves during sex or masturbation, you want to make sure to avoid the kind of latex gloves with powder inside (powder-free latex ones are fine).

[mreoww]

The ones I have don’t have powder or anything so I can use them as a like condom replacement right?

[Nadine E.]

Hi mreoww,

Yes, that's right, you can use it as a condom replacement if you make sure to cover the toy properly.