Scarleteen

Hi,

Sometimes I find it hard to find a space to comfortably masturbate, as I’m rarely home alone. I have a room with a large open window, and closing the blinds is a bit obvious when I’m inside. I also don’t normally close my door, which would raise questions. I know I should be allowed this privacy but it still doesn’t solve the window even if I could close the door. I normally go to the toilet but I don’t like always doing it in there and it is also a bit obvious or weird if I’m in the bathroom a lot. The other main option is just doing it at night or in the morning, but I sometimes want my phone (which I don’t have at those times) or I don’t want to do it at that time.

Thanks

Hi Terence,

First of all, I don't think that closing your door or blinds makes it obvious that you're masturbating. You could also be changing clothes, trying to prevent distractions while studying, or even something else for all your family knows.

Having said that, would it be possible to masturbate in the shower or bath? Many people find that it's the easiest way to have privacy without raising suspicions.

Yeah ok, that’s a good point.

I find in the shower masturbating takes a while, and I feel like the length would be noticeable. In the bath is another option however I don’t have baths often and sometimes getting a position is uncomfortable + cleaning up.

Hi there!

So how does closing your blinds and door from time to time and seeing how your family reacts sound? I think most people understand that young people at your age often need some privacy and alone time in general and not only for things like masturbation (and if they don’t, it’s probably time they learn that).

You might also like this article:Deep Cover: Tips for Managing Anxiety or Privacy Worries When Masturbating at Home as it’s from someone with similar experiences and contains some useful ideas.

That sounds like a good idea, thanks. Just another thing I forgot that might complicate things - when I close my blinds, I don’t get any light at all, which makes it a bit stranger.

Thanks, that article was really helpful.

Hi Terence,

When you close your blind, is there a light in your room you can access so it is not so dark? Even just a small desk lamp could be useful in this instance so you can have some light to see what you are doing.

Yeah I do have a light. I feel like it makes it harder to make an excuse though.

Hi Terence,

Honestly, preferring the light in your room over the light from the window seems like a very neutral and unremarkable choice to me. Sometimes the light from outside can be a bit sharp, or not right in some other way. Does your family usually ask you a lot of questions over small choices that you make? Do you think they usually make assumptions?

My family normally does ask a lot of questions, and I don’t normally do things like this, so I feel like they might find it a bit weird and maybe make assumptions. I closed my door earlier today for noise, and my mum walked in without knocking. I know I want to set a boundary but I feel like I’m a bit nervous to ask about it because I feel like they might make assumptions from that. Also probably not a problem with an easy solution but if I do decide masturbate more at night or in the mornings I’m not really allowed my phone in my room, what could I do?

Hi Terence,

Oof, it can definitely be rough to be in a living space where you don't reliably have a lot of privacy. One option would be to start closing your door more often to see what happens, and to establish that it's something you do during the day for various reasons. That would also help you see if the coming in without knocking is going to happen every time.

Too, if your family does ask why you keep closing your door (which, to be clear, isn't that strange of anyone to do; I'm betting your parents have times where they want their door closed and their privacy respected too), do you think a non-committal answer might work? Something like "I find it easier to focus" or "I just like it better like that."

As far as your phone goes, if you don't have it then your best bet is to focus on and explore your fantasies, since you don't need tech of any kind for those.

Alright, that sounds like a good idea. I’ll see what they do. How do I approach it if they don’t knock?

Ok, that sounds good.

Hi Terence,

The best thing to do would be to request that they knock, I think. You might say something like 'Hey, would you knock before you come in next time?' If they ask questions, you can offer the kinds of non-commital answers that Sam described.

Does your family ususally listen to you when you make such small requests?

Ok, thanks.

Yes, I think they would listen, but I can’t recall other times.

It sounds like make that request of them is certainly worth a try then!