Scarleteen

Hi, I've been trying to masturbate for a few months now, but I've never been able to finish. I've asked around a lot and tried many things but I think i might know why now, but I don't know how to change it. Basically it doesn't feel that good when I'm actually doing it until I find the right rhythm and it starts feeling good, but then only a few seconds later, the clit and pretty much whole area starts to throb, and I researched why that's happening, and it said that the blood flow starts rapidly flowing and it becomes too much so it can't take it anymore and stops, and that could happen after you finish. But I think my body isn't used to this so any small amount of pleasure makes that happen, so I can never get the full experience and actually feel the pleasure for an externded amount of time. I've tried to breathe and be calm but it still happens so early and leaves me still feeling turned on and kinda on a cliff hanger, but after the clit throbs I can't keep going, I'll have to wait but even if i try again, same thing happens. And it's been like this for months and I have not found a solution. Please give me solutions other than "keep trying till it works" or "you're just finishing but can't feel it" because it's all I've heard and no one has actually gave me something that fixes it for the past few months now, thank you

Hi PleaseHelpAsap,

I'm sorry this has still been a source of stress for you since your last post. Would you say when this happens, your clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch? Clitoral stimulation is very pleasurable for some, but can become too intense or even painful for others if experiences last past a certain amount of time. Some things that may be helpful if this is the case is the use of a lubricant or to touch other parts of the vulva and vaginal opening as well as the clit- this may help delay this too intense throbbing feeling and more slowly build up these feelings.

This source was linked to you before but I am curious about your thoughts: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... sturbation. Is clitoral stimulation the only way you have been able to reach arousal or experience pleasure? You could take a look at this source to see if there are any methods you would be interested in trying to add in addition to clitoral stimulation.

As always I also want to echo the sentiment you have already heard that if masturbation is not pleasurable there is no sense in forcing yourself to continue, as well as when we enter in the headspace of "fixing" oneself than we are generally much less successful in relaxing and reaching that state of pleasure.

Its not sensitive to the touch, even when it throbs it feels okay to have my hand there and still touch it, its just theres no pleasure so i stop since theres no reason to keep going. Its not painful or sensitivty as you described though, and if i use lube or try through my underwear then i really just cant feel anything at all. its not that i want it "fixed" but it can feel pretty good right before it starts throbbing, and i just wish i could feel that for longer, not just a few seconds. Ive also since then tried fingering myself but that hasnt worked out well because its not something im used to and it kinda hurts. Lastly, the link doesnt work anymore, possibly because i took a while to reply

Hi there, PleaseHelpASAP

All of this does seem so frustrating- I understand why you want that good feeling to last a little longer, and I'm sorry you're having difficulties. You've talked about trying clitoral stimulation and fingering, but have you also tried touching other parts of your body? Pleasure is a whole-body experience- you may have heard of other common erogenous zones. Maybe stimulating those areas as well could help.

Here is the link to the article Willa provided: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

I have two questions: how long do your masturbation sessions usually last? Also, are you taking any medications?

I've already tried touching other places but yeah it can help me get there quicker, but my problem is when i do get there it just throbs again, i dont feel any climax it just stops and mediocore pleasure. And no i dont take medications, only some pain killers when im in pain. They usually last 10-15 minutes, and with my long distance boyfriend itll be around an hour

Hi PleaseHelpAsap,

To make sure I'm understanding you correctly, is it that the throbbing means a dulling of sensation? Or like it almost goes numb?

Like i can still feel the area, theres just no pleasure, the pleasure just disappears the second that happens

Got it. So, you're already doing one of the things I'd recommend, which is stopping masturbation when this happens since, as you said, there's not point in continuing if you're no longer enjoying yourself. If you want to extend pleasure prior to that throbbing kicking in, have you noticed if there's anything that makes that throbbing happen faster? Or other physical feelings that happen right before it does?

What makes it happen faster is when im more into it, or if im doing it "better," like pretty much the better it feels, the quicker ill get there.

Okay, so one option would be to experiment to see if there are things you can do to extend that period of enjoyment. That might be starting and stopping, or taking things slower to see if that leads to the throbbing taking more time before it happens.

Thats already what I do and what ive been trying, but that doesnt solve my issue of the throbbing happening in the first place, no matter how long I delay it i never get to actually finish

How would you say the rest of your body feels right before or right after you notice the pleasure stopping and the throbbing starting? Do you still feel tensed, or do you feel relaxed?

I feel tense, i just feel left hanging because im waiting for something to happen, but then nothing does happen

Hi there, PleaseHelpAsap

That seems so frustrating and annoying. Just to check, have you seen a doctor to rule out any physiological issues? Sometimes having a hormonal imbalance or an illness like diabetes can cause difficulties in experiencing pleasure.

No i have not seen a doctor regarding this, and im pretty positive i dont have diabetes

Hi PleaseHelp ASAP,

I hear you when you say you feel tense when the throbbing starts and the pleasure goes away, and it sounds like this has been a difficult thing to deal with for awhile. I see you’ve been doing a lot of work on this too: you’ve tried different methods, it sounds like lube hasn’t worked, and edging produces the same result. But I want to reiterate something that Heather said in your last post: seeing sex and sexual response as “problems to be solved” can often result in not only not orgasming, but just not enjoying the experience at all.

We mentioned a few months ago that sometimes taking a break from genital masturbation as a way to re-engage with pleasure in other areas of your life, and also to create distance from viewing this as a “problem to solve,” can help with feeling less tense about the way our body is responding to masturbation. Is this something you tried, or feel like you may want to try? What do you think about this idea?

When i do it, i dont think "hopefully i finish this time" or anything to do with finishing. I would like to be able to finish properly for my own fun. when the problem started i originally wanted it fixed quickly because i was scared of it, i have anxiety and going to the doctor or telling my mom about this would be really difficult. Thats why i came online for help. But now after months Ive kinda not cared if it doesnt work, it is what it is. But it would still be nice to fix it, if that means that id wait untill im with my boyfriend or something, then ill do that. I just dont really get how this happend, it kinda scared me in the beginning because i couldnt find anyone with similar experiences, but Ive come to accept it and see if you guys have any other suggestions of what i can do.

Hi PleaseHelpAsap,

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough talking about these things here! I will say that at this point, I think we've offered the realistic approaches to this that are out there. I do think that taking a break, full stop, from trying to masturbate for a bit is probably the one to start with, and that taking a break includes doing what you can to avoid thinking about the issue you feel you have with it. It can be really tempting, when something was or is stressing us out, to want to keep poking at it to see if we can get it to a place where we no longer feel that stress over it. But sometimes saying "I've tried what I can for now, I'm just going to set this aside and come back to it later" is the kinder choice for ourselves.

Okay, will do. But if i were to do this and eventually come back to it, and I still experience the same issue, what can i do at that point?

Hi there,
I hope it’s okay that I’m stepping in here. I really understand the need to have some kind of a plan for the possibility this doesn’t help. I think your next steps will mostly depend on what you learn by not masturbating for some time - if the throbbing feeling changes and if so than if for the better or worse, if your feelings and the stress you have around this changes etc.

But your general options wouldn’t be too different from those you have now: if masturbation will keep bringing you more frustration than pleasure that you can decide to take a break from it a little longer, if you decide that what you are experiencing now is better than not masturbating you can choose not to do anything about it, or you can keep exploring different kinds of sensations, touches, ways of masturbating, fantasies... to see if anything changes. How does that sound?

Hi, I’m a bit younger than you, but I have the exact same problem. Identical even, and was wondering if you’ve found anything out? I have been trying for years and always end with the numb sensation instead of any super positive sensation…

Hey Purplecocoa, the original poster hasn't been online since their last post, but maybe you can start your own thread and say more about what you're struggling with there?