Scarleteen

My partner and I only have non-penetrative sex, and we never have direct contact of our genitals. I know all the facts, I’ve read all the articles, I’ve talked to my doctor. I know that pregnancy is unlikely. Yet, I’m still partially on guard during intimacy and can’t fully immerse in the moment. Red flags go flying up in my head if his hand comes near my vagina after he’s touched himself. I don’t want to feel like that when I know better!
I think it comes from my roots in purity culture. Until I was 14 I thought it was possible to get pregnant after oral sex from peeing out sperm. I’ve done my research since then, but there’s so much fear-mongering on the internet that I get wrapped up in “unlikely but not impossible”, and those articles never put parameters around what that truly means. I don’t work well with ambiguity.
I want to feel more comfortable during intimacy, and be able to enjoy the moment. Any coping tips or advice for how to move forward?

Hi sunshinewindow and welcome to the boards!

It’s understandable that after having false information and negative messaging around sex when growing up, you are dealing with these thoughts and I’m sorry you are. I’ll start by giving you some resources we have on our site that can be helpful.

Here’s a tool that can help you find the reasons behind being afraid of pregnancy and offers options how to move forward: You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You Think You Are?
And here’s an article that focuses on the impact purity culture can have and also offers advice
Impurity Culture: Pregnancy and Fear

And if you want more information (including accurate information about what does and doesn’t pose a pregnancy risk) you can find a bunch of other articles here: https://www.scarleteen.com/pregnancy_scare_resources

Let us know if any of these is helpful or if you have any following questions!