confused but also not at the same time

[itzxnikki]

hey! this is my second post here and i just wanted some advice. yesterday was the first time i let my boyfriend finger me and it was my first time. i know i shouldn’t have too high of expectations. i know that everyone has different experiences so i didn’t expect it to be AMAZING yk

we’ve been communicating very well and they’re listening so ofc it’s a work in progress. they’re very respectful about it and also ask what feels good so that’s great also. a question i have is also, how do yk when they’ve touched the g spot?they did insert their finger but it kinda hurt.. it isn’t supposed to hurt right?

anyway i only got wet and again, i didn’t try to expect myself to finish for my first time doing this. it’s not only my clit that was being simulating, it’s also my nipples, which is what we’ve always done and feels great.

i was wondering if i could get myself a toy and if there’s any recommendations for beginners. discrete packaging and not too expensive would also be helpful. i don’t think i’ve ever felt turned on my own without my boyfriend. sometimes id feel like throbbing from thinking about it or reading something though.

i have tried touching myself and i literally had no reaction whatsoever.

i’m willing to see what this will do. i am only really starting to explore my body now. as i’ve said in my last post, i’ve struggled with body image my whole life and still do.

[Sam W]

Hi itzxnikki,

You're right that inserting a finger isn't "supposed" to hurt, although it can hurt due to things like tension or a lack of lube. With the G-spot specifically, it's kind of hard to say because how each person experiences touch to that area is going to be different. Some people do find that the sensation gets noticeably more intense or pleasurable, but others don't. Your partner might actually be able to tell if they feel a spongy area that feels a bit like the roof of the mouth.

In terms of getting a toy, basically anywhere you order from is going to have discreet packaging, since sex toy sellers know people probably don't want it to be immediately obvious what they've received. My suggestion if there isn't a sex toy store in your area is to find a queer or feminist sex toy seller online and browse their stock. Often, those sites will have recommendations of toys for beginners, including ones that are on the less expensive side.

[itzxnikki]

hey sam,

thanks for responding. i’ll be sure to let my partner know that and also look into some websites.

i think i just gotta come to terms with that i can’t finish just from this which is kinda annoying im not really sexually frustrated though so that’s good but it’s just inconvenient bc i wanna know what it’s like. ik it’ll happen when it’s the right time ig?

[Willa]

Hi itznikki,

When you say "can't finish from this" are you referring to your boyfriend inserting a finger? Sometimes trying something new can be anxiety-inducing and taking the time to calm the body and the mind and let go of preconceived notions or expectations can help on the road to experiencing pleasure.

One thing that may be helpful would be to take the time on your own to explore and see what feels good for you. Exploring different types of touch and stimulus on one's own can be particularly helpful as you can go at your own set pace. Thinking about what type of touch or sensation feels good when you are with your boyfriend can be a good start to your own journey with masturbation: whether it is using those memories to get to a state of arousal on your own or thinking about what toy would most replicate that sensation.

[itzxnikki]

that’s what i meant by what i was saying. not only by inserting a finger but also by simulating the clit.

something new actually happened today. i don’t think it was an orgasm because i didn’t get like a wave of pleasure like people describe, but im assuming i just squirted as people would say.

im still a bit confused though.. im not really sure what happened. it didn’t really feel AMAZING it just felt like something was coming out of me. i’m trying to read some other resources from scarleteen though.

[Latha]

Hi Itzxnikki,

Since you've been having difficulties finishing when your boyfriend fingers you, I wonder, have you been able to reach orgasm on your own?

If you're still confused after reading the resources, would you describe what happened? Maybe we can offer clarifications or advice.

[itzxnikki]

hey latha,

i actually have never orgasmed at all. as i said in my other post viewtopic.php?t=13560 (idk how to put a link on a word sorry) i said some details about how i’ve never had the desire to do anything because i dont really get horny on my own i’ve also always dealt with body imagine issues, i’m only really doing anything to my body now because of my boyfriend. it’s a work in progress for myself and the image i have of myself.

after looking at some resources on here, i would say im less confused. i learned that sometimes you squirt before you orgasm and sometimes you only squirt and sometimes you only orgasm.


only thing i’m confused about is why did i squirt and not orgasm? ik it’s all involuntary because my body just does what it’s supposed to. idk if there’s an actual answer to this.

this is all really new to me. i never really expected for anyone who have the desire to do this with me as my boyfriend does.

[Andy]

Hi there itzxnikki,

I’m glad you are finding our resources helpful! If you haven’t seen it yet I think this article:Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
could give you some helpful information about orgasms (and how they are varied and don’t always feel like the wave of pleasure you talked about) and sexual response in general.

As for your question, I’m afraid I can’t give you one specific reason why it happened. Like you said, squirting/ejaculation and orgasm are two separate things, orgasm is a whole-body experience where our mind plays often a big role while just a part of our body is involved in ejaculation and it happens as a result of pressure being put on the glands around urethra. So it’s possible that in instances where there is the pressure present but our minds aren’t that much engages, there can be ejaculation without orgasm. Does that make sense?

[itzxnikki]

yes that does! thank you for the help 🫶

i think that’s the link i read but ill reread it.