What to do if I never feel aroused

[kasra2000]

I’ve always had problems masturbating, the problem being that I don’t feel anything. After doing some research I think the reason is that I simply don’t feel aroused. But also, I never do. It’s not that I don’t have the desire to have sex, I really do. But what my mind is thinking doesn’t seem to have an effect on my body. So my body reacts as if I’m not aroused, even in I’m thinking about sex or reading porn. It could be due to many reasons, depression, low self esteem, gender dysphories, but to me it doesn’t matter the cause. How do I fix this?? Am I just asexual? I don’t really think so since I have the desire to have sex.

[Sofi]

Hi kasra2000, welcome to the boards!

You know, this is one of the most common questions we receive. Which means, a LOT of people go through this. It's not uncommon to feel this way and for it to create frustration, but there's nothing wrong with you, and it doesn't have to be due to anything in particular. The funny thing is, the more people get in their heads about it (and about the 'why' behind it), the more the issue persists. That's because you're getting stressed or feeling pressure around it, which are going to make it even harder for your body to align with what you want. Your brain has to feel relaxed and not pressured.

Here's a great piece we have about it that has more info: The Great Arousal Mismatch: When Bodies and Brains Don't Line Up

Also, if you go to the message boards, you can find a lot of posts about this which will hopefully be helpful too!

[kasra2000]

Thank you for the reply! Also I tried to search for something about this before I posted, I just couldn’t find anything, so I appreciate the help.