Scarleteen

Hi, my classmates sometimes talk about sex and masturbation, and sharing thoughts and fantasies casually but it makes me uncomfortable, don't get me wrong, I'm really sex positive and I don't have any issue with masturbation, sex and sexual fantasies but I don't know why these talks and thoughts of my friends make me uncomfortable and feeling scandalous.

Hi Mika,

It's pretty common for folks to be sex positive in general but still have some limits about where or with who they're comfortable talking about sex with. Do you think some of your discomfort might be due to your not wanting to think about friends in sexual situations? Or maybe that when your friends are sharing these thoughts and ideas, some of what they're sharing is misinformation or opinions that makes you uncomfortable?

Yeah it's both of them but I should mention that I'm a shy guy too

Bring generally shy can for sure add to that discomfort when people are talking about "taboo" subjects. Do you feel like you're comfortable redirecting the conversation when it gets to a point where you're not comfortable with the subject matter?

Actually I just listened to thier conversation and didn't talk but if I'd talked, yeah I might have been changing subject

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to do that. Too, especially if you're not actively involved in a conversation, you're always allowed to get up or otherwise disengage from it (although if you're in class at the time sometimes you have to opt for ignoring them).

I don't know I'm really shy to talk in a group especially if the topic is sex, how can I lose my shyness and you know, be more sex positive?

You could start with having that kind of conversation 1:1 with someone you trust or feel less shy around. That will make you feel more comfortable talking about the topic in general. Remember, you don't HAVE to talk about anything you're not comfortable with. But if you're just feeling shy, it would be a good idea to start with talking about it with just one person until that's comfortable, then working up to talking to a whole group about it.

But I don't have someone who can trust or feel less shy about this

You know, if that's the case, then these might not be the group of people to talk about sex and related topics with, period. And that's okay! We all have things where we're only comfortable talking about them with a specific group of people or a specific person.