Scarleteen

Hey there!

Recently, my boyfriend (a person with a penis) and I (a person with a vagina) have started integrating anal play into our sex lives. It was something I was initially not interested in for myself, so at first it was only on him but as time went on I started to want it too and the idea of me getting a butt plug really turned us both on. Double penetration is also a secret fantasy of mine though never something I intended to act on previously. So after experiment just with fingers, he bought me a very small metal plug recently.

The first time we tried to use it, he tried to insert it in me a little bit after we had sex so I was relaxed. We used a lot of water based lube. It did not feel good at all and once it was fully in I immediately asked him to take it out which he did. We figured we would just put it away and revisit it another time. A few weeks later, I wanted to try again but this time we decided I would put it in myself so I could control it. VERY slowly, I put it in and it was much better than the first time. I definitely liked the feeling of having it in, however, I have horrible anxiety to any new sensations ever so I only left it in for a little while before taking it out. We didn’t do any other sexual acts on me, I was just trying to adjust. I took it out after five minutes and we were both proud of me.

So today, about a week later, I was feeling brave and during sex I asked if I could put it in and we could try doing it with the plug in. I very slowly inserted it with the same lube, but for some reason it was a little more uncomfortable than the previous time. I left it in for a bit and he performed oral on me to help me relax. Afterwards, when he went to insert his penis in me, I could not stomach the sensation enough to even let him put it in a little bit. The plug felt like it was being pushed around which was so strange to me, but also him trying to put his penis in kind of hurt! It hurt both my vagina and rear. We tried like 3 or 4 different positions but none of it worked. So we stopped, I slowly took it out but honestly my rear just felt so uncomfortable after that. We continued as usual but the rest of the day my rear has just felt… off. Like it doesn’t hurt but it feels kinda weird.

I’m just not sure what went wrong this time because I thought I was on a good roll. Do you have any advice for me on how I could make this easier/more enjoyable next time? I went slow and used lots of lube but I’m not sure what else I could’ve done. I’m a little put off from trying again right now which is a bummer.

Hi there, CatHaru26

Oof, I understand how that would be a bummer! I think you're doing the right thing by focusing on going slow and using lots of lube. You may just need some more time to get used to these new sensations.

On that note, I'm wondering if there is anything about the sensations from the plug itself that can be addressed. Metal toys can feel a bit too cold or warm at times- if this is the case, it might be a good idea to make sure the toy is at a comfortable temperature before you use it. They can also feel a bit too hard- if so, you might like toys made of materials like silicone better.

If it felt strange when the toy was being pushed around, do you think it would help if you experimented with moving it around on your own first? Also, it could help to start with something smaller than your partner's penis, like fingers or a small toy, when you are already using the plug.

We continued as usual but the rest of the day my rear has just felt… off. Like it doesn’t hurt but it feels kinda weird.

I don't think you need to be concerned about this for now. Some discomfort is not unexpected, and it should go away on its own.

It's understandable to feel frustrated when exploring new aspects of your sex life, especially when things don't go as planned. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are taking a considerate and patient approach, which is commendable.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that everyone's body responds differently to stimulation, and what feels comfortable or pleasurable can vary. Since you've had some positive experiences with anal play in the past, it's likely that with continued patience and experimentation, you'll find what works best for you.

One suggestion could be to focus on relaxation techniques before and during play, such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises, to help ease any anxiety or tension. Additionally, experimenting with different positions, angles, and types of stimulation may also help enhance comfort and pleasure.

Remember to communicate openly with your partner about your experiences, desires, and any discomfort you may be feeling. Building trust and understanding can go a long way in navigating new sexual experiences together. And most importantly, be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time and space to explore at your own pace.