Why can’t I orgasm?

[Itsmemimsey]

Hello, I’m 20 and still haven’t experienced an orgasm even by myself. I get very close it feels like. The way it feels is a build up in my clit that slowly goes deeper inside and then it just goes away. It feels like it’s too deep to reach. No matter how hard I try I can’t reach what seems to feel like behind my clit. It’s like an itch that I can’t scratch. Can someone please explain to me why this happens and if there is a way to fix it?

[Andy]

Hi there Itsmemimsey and welcome to the boards!

When you feel the feeling going away is there some kind of relief or feeling finished/like you don’t want to continue? I’m asking because sometimes people expect super intense experiences during orgasm, which is not what it’s like for a lot of people a lot of the time, and then don’t realize they are having orgasms/are disappointed by them. If you would like to know about how it can feel or what can lead to it this article could be a good starting place: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

As for the behind-the-clitoris feeling, I wonder if what might be happening is feeling of blood flowing in the internal part of the clitoris during arousal (yes, it has a big internal part and yes it is filled with blood just like a penis during arousal, more on that here: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More
.


How do you feel mentally when masturbating/having sex: do you feel relaxed, frustrated about not reaching orgasm, something else?

[Itsmemimsey]

Hi thank you for the reply. No I never feel satisfied when it happens ever. I always feel the need to touch myself more and sometimes I cry because the need for some kind of relief is very intense. I usually have to get up and go on a walk. And when I’m done I feel very grumpy and frustrated

[Sam W]

Hi Itsmemimsey,

It does sound like you're likely getting "stuck" in the plateau phase of sexual response (you can read more about what that is here: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide),which can for sure be frustrating! During masturbation, what would you say your brain is generally focused on? Are you really engage in a fantasy or piece of sexual media? Are you worried that you won't reach orgasm? Are you bored? Something else?

Too, have you ever experimented with sex toys? Some people find that those can provide that extra bit of sensation that helps them reach orgasm or, more generally helps masturbation be more pleasurable overall.

[Itsmemimsey]

An update, I got a thrusting rabbit toy and wowza! It was pretty great. Not like movies and porn will have you believe but it was still pretty awesome. And in the past when I’ve masturbated I was silly focused on being able to cum. But this time I put the toy on settings that I liked and started watching some porn. I focused on what it would be like to be in the situation in the video and didn’t really pay any mind to the need to orgasm. Then it just hit me! Twice! lol thanks a lot for helping me out

[Sam W]

I'm so glad we we're able to help, and that you had a positive masturbation experience!

[Itsmemimsey]

I actually have a question though. When I pull it out when I’m done it is what I can only describe as goopy. It kinda looks like clear snot and it had the consistency of it. I tried it and it stated like nothing really. Is that normal?

[Latha]

Hi there, Itsmemimsey

Your description doesn't sound concerning... it could be vaginal lubrication. Do you think that sounds right?

[Itsmemimsey]

Oh yeah! duh. I’m sorry, that was a stupid question I’m sorry. Thank you Andy, Sam and Latha for your help and your patience!

[Sam W]

You're welcome, and no worries; we're always happy to answer questions, even ones where the answer seems obvious in retrospect!