Scarleteen

Hi! I'm an AFAB person in high school right now. For the past few years I've been questioning my gender a lot, and I think I've finally found a label that fits and makes me comfortable? I would say I'm "gender ambivalent" or "gender ambiguous", in the sense that I don't really care how people perceive my gender. I don't care if people call me a boy or a girl, I'll just roll with either, and I feel comfortable with all pronouns.
I was already wanting to come out to my bff as bisexual in June, and now I'm thinking of giving her an update on my pronouns as well. She's very supportive (and queer herself) but for some reason the thought of telling people who are close to me makes me a little anxious. Is it normal to feel this way about gender? Am I just a girl who doesn't care all that much? How do I feel more confident in my identity, and how do I start feeling comfortable enough to tell other people about it?

Hi snakesarecoolB),

First, I’m really glad to hear you’re starting to discover language to describe your identity that make you feel comfortable!

1. I want to reassure you that there is nothing wrong or abnormal about feeling ambiguous or even ambivalent when it comes to your gender identity. You are the expert on yourself, and indeed there are many people who too feel that the traditional constructs of a gender binary being “one size fits all” or “only pick one” do not accurately describe how they feel! We have an article on gender that describes this, and introduces some vocabulary that people use to describe a multitude of identities! Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer

2. On the topic of coming out! This is so exciting and I definitely hear you that it can be anxiety-inducing as well. I’m so glad you have a best friend who is supportive, and you’re right that they may be a great person to start with! We have a primer on coming out that may alleviate some stress. Reading through this, is there anything specifically with the process of coming out that makes you nervous?
Becoming Out: A Totally Non-Exhaustive, Step by Step Guide to Coming Out

3. Becoming confident in your identity is absolutely a lifelong process that has its ups and downs. You may find that the language you use to describe your identity can change over time, and that is totally normal too — it also doesn’t make your identity less real or worth caring about! One place you can start to practice talking about your identity and feeling more confident can be journaling or art making about how you feel about your identity, how you want to grow, who you admire, etc. We have a resource here that goes through some tips on what to do when you’re feeling unsure about your identity. Gender Confusion: Being Unsure Doesn't Have to Be a Bummer

I know that was a ton of info, how does all of that sound? We are here to help digest!