Weird Relationship Advice: I have no idea what just happened

[raine]

I am an almost 17 year old girl, and I had a weird and confusing relationship I wanted to talk about. Looking for some advice and help, and I also just really need to talk about it because I don't ever tell anyone these things.

So, first off, I believe I am a lesbian, I am at least into girls and not guys enough that saying I am a lesbian can only do me good. If that makes sense. The first time I had an experience with liking a girl who liked me back was when I was 15-16 and she acted so straight (not that that's a thing) for months and months, but she would say things about wanting to marry me or whatever kind of a lot. I always just thought it was a joke until one day when we were hanging out a ton and she really really wanted to have a sleepover, so we did.

We were in my room and she started making jokes about us kissing and it was basically like a "do you want to?" "I want to if you want to" type of thing until we did, and it was pretty good I think. I kind of was realizing that I did like her a lot, I just never really had the chance to think about it because we were just friends and she was straight. (Actually she was pan but I didn't know that before). Then she said something about being okay with me doing whatever I wanted...and I mean, I did want to do more. Not go all the way or anything, but I did want to kiss more and I wanted to touch her...top half...but anyway, I wasn't sure she meant that and I was too scared to ask and so that was that and we went to bed and she left the next day.

Very soon after she asked me on a date and I said yes but we never actually planned anything. We did plan another sleepover though, and on the day it was supposed to happen I was texting her about how I was excited, but she cancelled and sent me a picture of her boyfriend. I was flabbergasted to say the least and I was like "ohh...so happy for you" but on the inside I was like what the hell. Her and her boyfriend broke up like two weeks later because he didn't treat her right and then dumped her. Awful! So I gave it time, probably a month or two, and then brought up the date thing again. I basically said "hey let me know if you ever wanna go on that date" or something close to that, and she said "maybe a friend date" I was a little hurt but I didn't show it.

We continued to be friends though and had another sleepover soon after. She was always the one initiating these sleepovers by the way, not me. So many things that day were so confusing to me. It's hard to tell if girls are being friendly or flirty a lot because sometimes girls are flirty in a friendly way! Ugh.

So we were talking that night and she started talking about going on a date with this boy, and how she couldn't actually date him. I asked why, and she said it was because he was leaving the church. Now, she is religious and I am not and she knew that for forever. So in my head I'm like girl...you literally kissed a girl in her bed and asked her on a date and said you wanted to marry her. AND SHE WASN'T CHRISTIAN. But you can't date this dude because he's not Christian? Weird.

After that day I sent her a picture we took at the sleepover that was freaking adorable, and basically said "hey, I like you, that's okay if you don't like me, but thanks for making me smile like that" I WAS LITERALLY SO CHILL. And she never responded, that was the last time we spoke. It was months ago, she's not going to respond. She also unfollowed me on social media.

I am so sad I lost her because she was amazing and I don't know what I did wrong. I am wondering if you have any advice or ideas why this happened? Sorry if I gave to many details I just wanted you to have the full picture to maybe help me understand? I don't know what happened. No one I've talked to knows what happened either, but they don't know all of it. That's why I kinda wanted to tell someone all of it. Sorry again if I wrote too much.

[Ellie]

Hi Raine,

Welcome to the boards!

Wow, I'm sorry you had such a confusing experience! It never feels good to be ghosted. Firstly, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Sounds like she wasn't ready to communicate her feelings maturely, so she took the easy way out, which was to disappear. That's disappointing, but it has way more to do with her own insecurities than anything that you did. It seems like she really did want to kiss you, so there was some genuine attraction there, but ultimately she was avoiding attempts to go on a date or start a relationship with you. Maybe she was nervous, maybe she was dealing with some internalized homophobia, we may never know! But you were very brave to be up front with her about your feelings, and I hope you find someone who shows up for you fully.

[raine]

Thank you so much, that makes me feel better. I keep wondering what I should have done, and if maybe I shouldn't have been honest with her that I kinda liked her but now I think I made the right choice. She probably would've left anyway later if I didn't tell her. You guys are the best and you make people feel heard. Thanks again!