Scarleteen

I've heard a lot that in the old days, men limits women's freedom by patriarchy
I know that's true but it's a little annoying to me because I'm a man too. I support gender equality and women's rights but this fact makes me a little bit sad and think that we men were so cruel.
Is there any way to get along with that?

Hi Mika.m,

The patriarchy in simplest terms can be understood as the system of subjugation and oppression of women socially, economically, sexually, physically, etc by men and larger systemic institutions. Understanding this we can take these ideas further by understanding how individuals outside of the gender binary are also negatively affected by patriarchy and how patriarchy can be upheld by many different actions, people, and things. Unfortunately although there have been changes throughout time, the patriarchy still is very much present in today's society. The best way to grapple with this reality is to uplift the voices of people most affected by patriarchy and listen to their advice on how best we can liberate ourselves from it.

I'd like to add that patriarchy does not only oppress women and people outside of the gender binary. It is oppressive to men as well. It is a system based on domination over other humans, something that comes at a great personal cost to all parties involved. bell hooks talks about this in her book The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love where she states "The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves."

In addition to uplifting voices of the oppressed, men have a responsibility to:
- understand the system of patriarchy and how it impacts various members of society
- examine how they contribute to the oppression of others in their daily lives, intentionally or otherwise
- do the healing work required to undo the damage patriarchy exacts on our emotional selves

I understand feeling guilty or frustrated at sharing an identity with the oppressor. The way to get along with that is to be an active participant in dismantling that system.