Scarleteen

I like the idea of ENM and starting to casually date a second person but the thought of it makes me anxious. I wrote about this on the boards several months ago. My gf and I decided that each of us could date other people if we wanted to. I’m very happy with her, but she’s ace and I want the experience of being sexually desired. I was thinking of going to school club meetings, especially the LGBTQ club, and just talking to people as friends to start but even that is scary. Any advice?

Hi there, Jay27!

I know it can be very difficult to manage social anxiety, but those are some great ideas! As a general guide, it can help to take small steps and push yourself a little bit, while giving yourself the assurance that you can step back if you need to.

If I may ask, what are your fears about?

I feel like I don’t know how to start conversations. I’m on the autism spectrum so I’ve been made fun of before for not acting “normal.” I worry about that too.

Hi Jay27,

I'm sorry to hear that people have been rude about the fact you're autistic! That can for sure make it even harder to introduce yourself into spaces, since you're also trying to work out whether people are going to be weird about your autism. I will say that, in my experience, queer spaces are at least a little bit better about that, as there's more of a baseline awareness of things like ableism. Too, as crummy as it is, if we try to strike up an interaction with someone only to have them be weird about something like the fact we're neurodivergent, that does do us a favor in the long run of telling us that person isn't going to be a good friend to us.

I hear you on the fact that starting conversations isn't as easy as it sounds. That's part of why I'm a big proponent of, at least initially, going to events, meet-ups, or clubs where there's going to be something built in to talk about, like a piece of media or a shared activity you're all doing. That makes it easier to come up with a "safe" topic of conversation, and there's also the assumption that people might hop in and out of conversations.

That all sounds good! I can try to see when the queer student group meets next. I really want to meet like minded people.

I think that's a great option! Hope it goes well