Scarleteen

after much toil and trouble I finally caved and spoke to my lovely mother about my horrible petulant vulva and how i appeared to be incapable of orgasm. she told me that she hadn't actually orgasmed til she was in her 20s when she brought a vibrator and that she regrets not having bought one sooner, she even somewhat jokingly offered to buy me one which I refused.

I feel conflicted because on one hand I dont want to push myself into anything and honestly? it feels like a failure. the whole reason I want to orgasm is that I want to be able to do it myself, I want to be able to be self sufficient in that regard. so just kinda giving up and buying something electronic feels like id be cheating. and what if it doesn't work even then? on the other hand I really want to be able to orgasm and I certinly have a libido. also, im fifteen almost sixteen so is it even appropriate?

so I have two questions, a) is the whole difficulty orgasming thing genetic? and b) should I buy one? am I too young?

Hello! There's a lot to unpack here, so bear with me. First of all;

1. You are most certainly not a failure for not being able to orgasm. This is normal and can happen for so many reasons- including being too worried about orgasming! It can be really easy to fall into a pit of self depreciation when you aren't able to live up to your own sexual expectations, but there is nothing to be ashamed of.

2. It is not "cheating" to use a vibrator in the slightest. Everyone experiences pleasure differently. The route you take does not invalidate it or make it less valuable.

3. On the genetics question- the best answer I can give you is maybe. Scientists haven't really come to a consensus, and unfortunately, there is very little stock put into researching the female anatomy. Here's a study I found, if you'd like to read it- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1617159/. To sum it up, there very well could be a genetic variable in orgasming, but we just don't know for sure.

4. You are not too young! If you want to buy one, buy one. There is no right or wrong age to start masturbating. Whatever timeline is right for you is right for you.

I hope this helps, and if you have any other questions please reach back out. TLDR; there is nothing wrong with you, and masturbating is different for everyone!

Hi shoelaces99,

In addition to everything Orion said, I so want to note that, while there's nothing wrong with having a vibrator at fifteen, getting one will likely involve your mom or another adult purchasing it for you, as many places have laws prohibiting the sale of sex toys to minors.