Scarleteen

i already tried searching this topic up on this site but i feel like i dont entirely understand yet and i want to have a better idea on whether to call something i have just a kink or if its specifically a fetish- and if what i have can even be called that.

im still grappling with trying to accept it as a thing that i experience after denying it for literal years (and as such, i'm going to be vague about what exactly it is because i currently still feel embarrassed about admitting it even in my own head) but if the replier needs more specification i can provide it. in essence it has to do with the human body under a specific state/states thats generally considered normal and common in everyday life (and isnt inherently sexual in and of itself) but, well, not every human is capable of undergoing it in the first place. although it could happen to me id never want it to, and ive always been apprehensive about it happening to someone i interacted with in real life, even though its usually a very positive thing. one of the main reasons as to why im apprehensive about it is because i dont want to accidentally get horny thoughts about it in a situation where i should not (forgive me if this isn't how sexual thoughts should work- i've done a lot of repressing and i'm also asexual so i don't experience them often beyond this, nor do i see many people capable of experiencing sexual attraction talking about what its like to have it beyond very basic descriptors at best).

although that does worry me, im also worried about whether or not it counts as just a kink or an actual fetish. because not only is it something that technically has nothing to do at all with an inanimate object (as i read fetishes deal with) and instead the state of someone's body, but it's also not something i'm always/most of the time turned on by (or at least think i am). in fact, i'm far more often disgusted with the topic and want nothing to do with it because of my disgust. however, when im falling asleep at night, i often daydream about scenarios regarding it and... to be honest it kinda gets me feeling a certain way! sometimes ill stay in bed and continue my daydreams about it when i wake up. sometimes i repeat them over and over, sometimes i masturbate because of it. the times in which i feel horny/get those kinds of thoughts about it outside of my bedroom about it are rare, but still do exist- but as i said before i usually feel more disgusted about it, which really confuses me.

so... yeah. basically, im confused about whether or not this would count as a fetish because i'm unsure of the definition for it, and if it isn't a fetish, could i even call it a kink because it isnt something im always aroused by/something im often disgusted by?

ty for taking the time to read this btw. if this is too much info i apologize, this is my first time posting on here and i've never really talked about anything sexual outside of jokes

Hi Mel,

So, as you pointed out, "fetish" isn't the term that applies here since those technically require an object. Kink as it's commonly used could apply, but I honestly find it more useful to refer to things as being sexual interests, preferences, or even just "likes" rather than trying to sort out whether they're considered a kink, since "kink" is a broad and not all the well defined category.

I do want to say that an idea or activity not always appealing to us, or even disgusting us sometimes, doesn't exclude it from the category of kink or sexual interest. There are lots of topics where we might enjoy them as a fantasy but not want them to happen to us/anyone else in the real world. Too, context also matters a lot in whether we find something sexually appealing; for instance, someone who is into being spanked by a partner is still going to feel violated, upset, or angry if some random person on the street slaps their butt without permission,

You mention that you're worried about whether this "counts" as a kink or a fetish. Can you say a little more about why that worries you?

I also want to add that sometimes when we experience sexual attraction, there may in fact be times when we experience that attraction in moments that aren't sexual; in your case, it may be encountering someone in this state you described while out and about. But experiencing sexual thoughts and feelings isn't in and of itself a bad thing; if it caused you to start treating that person as an object or otherwise behaving inappropriately towards them, that would be an issue, but just having the feelings doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Does that make sense?

that does make a lot of sense, thank you for reading and answering. this makes me feel a lot better and makes it a lot clearer.

to answer your other question, though, i'm not entirely sure why i said i was worried about what it'd "count" as- now that i'm looking back on my message im trying to figure it out and the best answer i can give is that, although im far from admitting it to anyone irl or even considering the possibility of doing that, i just wanted to know what it was that i was experiencing and not sound like i didn't know what i was talking about if i were to ever decide to explain it to someone? or maybe despite all my anxiety im also a very curious person and i don't like having things unanswered? or maybe i was just subconsciously viewing kinks and fetishes as more negative than i meant to. i'm not entirely sure, but maybe something along those lines.

I'm glad my answer was helpful!

You know, when we're explaining any part of our sexuality to someone, including things like fantasies or the kinds of scenarios or traits that arouse us, it's okay if we don't quite have the words to describe it perfectly, or we're unsure of how to categorize it. Sexuality is often messier than a lot of us are initially taught, and the important pieces of it often come down less to being able to perfectly define things as "kinks", fetishes, etc, and more about being able to express to ourselves or a partner if or how we'd like those things to be a part of our sexual experiences.