Unable to obtain penetration

[archanana]

Hi,

I've been trying to get pregnant for over half a year. I'm a virgin, never stuck a tampon before (haven't been successful either when recently trying). I've tried inserting a finger or two into my vagina and usually get around 2cm in before feeling a structure blocking it. The deepest I've gotten in is around 4cm with 1 finger. My doctor just tells us to keep trying...so my husband (also virgin) keeps trying but the penis is unable to get into my vagina. We've tried different positions (cowgirl or me lying on my back with my legs up and wrapped around him. My biological clock is ticking (we're both past our prime) so I am getting really anxious.

Thank you.

[Latha]

Hi archanana, welcome to the boards!

I understand how it would be so anxiety inducing to have these sorts of difficulties when it feels like you're running out of time, but don't worry- it is unlikely that this structure will prevent you from getting pregnant. Would you describe how this structure feels?

Trying different positions is a very good idea, but it may be difficult to insert a penis until you have an easier time inserting fingers. If I may ask, are you usually aroused when you try to insert things inside? Being lubricated and relaxed can make it significantly easier to put anything inside the vagina. That's why it can be very helpful to use lube as well.

[archanana]

Hi Latha,

Thank you! When I stick my finger in (with one leg propped up on the bathtub), I feel a long ridge inside to the my first knuckle of my fingers. That's about as far as I can get. When I position my fingers downwards, my fingers can go in more. Also my uterus is retroverted but my doctor says that doesn't matter.

I'm not aroused when I insert my finger inside. I've come from a conservative family and quite shy so I'm only inserting my finger to enable penetration to occur so that I can have a baby - not exactly for sexual pleasure. We do some foreplay before sex - usually some cuddling/snuggling. I use KY liquid - about quarter sized for both of us.

Thanks!

[Latha]

Hi archanana!

Your description doesn't seem unusual to me. Having a retroverted uterus can sometimes cause pain during sex in certain positions, but it shouldn't prevent you from having sex altogether. It is good that you're using lube- remember that it cannot hurt to use more of it.

Cuddling is a great way to relax and feel close to a partner, but it may not help with lubrication and feeling more aroused. I understand that isn't your goal, but it really can help make this whole process easier. And if you aren't interested in having sex for any reason but procreation, you may be able to avoid it- you could try an at-home insemination kit, or see a doctor for IVF (In-vitro Fertilization) or IUI (Intrauterine Insemination).

[archanana]

Hi Latha,

That's interesting, I've never heard of the insemination kit. If I can't even stick a tampon properly and not sure if my hymen is still there - would I be able to figure out how to use it? And would my vagina be too small if it hasn't been stretched when it comes time to deliver a baby?

The insemination kit seems like a good option - it is less invasive than IVF (which would disrupt my hormone levels - is an issue with my family history of reproductive issues) and IUI. I would still be interested in normal sex for natural conception but not sure how to obtain that - feels like we keep trying to do the same thing but not penetrating.

[Sam W]

Hi archanana,

While I'm glad you've been having a good conversation with Latha, I do want to note that help with conception is not something we can help you with on our direct services. So if you're looking for support on this, you'll want to try a gynecologist, midwife, doula, other fertility/pregnancy educator, or a general healthcare provider.

[archanana]

Hi Sam,

Does your board help with tips on how I can obtain intercourse then? I've read some of the old posts as well.

Thanks.

[Willa]

Hi Archanana,

Intercourse involving insertion is something that is usually much more pleasurable and physically comfortable when both parties are comfortable, relaxed, and aroused. Is masturbation or arousal something you have ever experienced or are interested in experiencing? We can discuss this further about how to explore that to make the insertion process more comfortable and pleasurable, however if arousal is something you are not looking for then it may be easier, as Sam suggested to investigate conception through some other medium via information from another provider.

[archanana]

Hi Willa,

I haven't tried masturbation yet - have stuck my fingers in or tried finding my clitoris but not sure if I was able to. I would be interested in experiencing masturbation or arousal as that will lead to more "natural" conception compared to other conception methods. I'm worried about using sex toys or dilators due to the cleaning since I have eczema/sensitive skin.

Thanks

[Willa]

Hi Archanana,

Thank you for that context. I can add a couple sources here that you can take a look at and see if anything there resonates? One that I think would be helpful to you is https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... sers-guide. It goes through the basics of how desire and arousal can lead to. body responses, and through stimulus we can reach orgasm. There is no right or wrong way to masturbate, it is all about exploring different types of touch that feel good to you personally. Another question I have for you is if you have ever felt arousal? Focusing on what arouses us can be another way to have a more successful experience with masturbation.

I can also drop this source here:https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... s-and-more. In case you had any questions about locations of anatomy of the vagina such as the clitorus.

[archanana]

Hello,

I felt like I had some cum when I put my finger in the vagina during foreplay but don't feel quite "aroused". I tried massaging my clitoris, but didn't feel much arousal either - one time it felt a bit heated. I'm not sure if I'm getting the vagina hole correctly - I could stick a fingertip into the labia (up to the first knuckle), but it feels like a canal (long and shallow) but can't stick my whole finger in. It doesn't seem to go much in more. I'm trying some pelvic exercises as well to relax my pelvic floor.

Thanks