Scarleteen

Hello Again,
So I usually talk to My Dad when it comes to stuff regarding Sex and My Sexuality however sometimes I will talk to my Mom about it and it can get pretty weird, and while I know from many it is naturally weird I would like to try to minimize some of the weirdness. So on Tuesday Morning I tried Oral Self Pleasure for the First Time and decided to tell my Mom about it on Wednesday Afternoon after talking to my therapist about it on Tuesday Afternoon and wanted to talk through it because it was a new level for me. So when I told her she said it was fine but then cried about the fact that I am almost 15 and getting older which felt pretty weird and talked to me about Sexting for the millionth time after I told her that it is not even something I am considering due to the fact that I don’t really feel comfortable with my current genitals. So as usual this conversation left me feeling pretty weird and dysphoric, and I was wondering how I could minimize that when we have these talks going forward?


Thank You
Nat
(She/They)

Hi Nat,

There are for sure some things you could try to help these conversations be a little easier for both of you (and if she's open to it, there are some great books out there that can help her feel more confident in navigating them from her end). But before we dive into that, can you give me a sense of why it's important to you to be able to talk her about these topics? When you bring these things up with, what are you generally hoping will come from the conversation?

Hello Sam,
So the Reason that I feel it is important that I’d be able to have these conversations with my mom is that I feel as a Transfem it would help to be able to talk to someone who sees the world as a female. So what I am hoping to get out of the conversations with my mom is to have things better explain to me from the lens of a female since my Dad as a Cishet male can only do but so much.


Thank You,
Nat
(She/They)

Can someone respond?

Hi Nat,

So, one approach here might be to have a bigger conversation with your mom about the boundaries that would work for you both when talking about sex. I say that because, even when we have a pretty open and comfortable relationship with a parent, there can still be things it's okay not to discuss with them, and things that may be more detail than they're comfortable knowing (with obvious caveats for sometimes parents need details in order to best support us). Does that make sense?

Hello there Sam,
I definitely understand what you are saying, which is why I typically only tell my mom stuff when I feel I need to and in the particular case felt that it was appropriate to inform my mom about my desire to have oral sex in the next couple of years and just that I started to take things to a new level on my own. Although I know you had mentioned books, do you have any other recommendations for how we can make these conversations less weird?


Thank You,
Nat
(She/They)

Hi Demigirl09,

Touching on what Sam was discussing, do you think you would be able to open the conversation with your mother about the boundaries you both are comfortable with during these talks? This may be helpful so that these talks are the most fulfilling for both parties, and hopefully can reduce the reaction that was negative for you. Does that make sense?

One source you can take a look at is: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... ur-parents. This can help you get an idea of of an example of a structure for these kinds of talks as well as there ares some links for resources for parents to look over as well- such as the sex readiness checklist.

Thank You I will Definitely Share this with My Mom.