Scarleteen

I’m 16 but about to turn 17, and I used my hands for the first few times but I couldn’t ever get any stimulation from either my clitoris or using my fingers inside. I’ve tried using objects around the house before, and those made me feel good but I know they weren’t that safe to use. I really want to have a safe item to use for such activities, but I think I’d feel really awkward and ashamed if I asked my mom about getting one. I have money on Amazon I could use but my mom and I share the account, so she’d see it in the purchase history. I guess I just don’t want her to know that I’m doing it, even though she knows I’ve done it before. Also, it’s my first time posting here so I’m sorry if the formatting’s wrong.

TL;DR: How do I talk to my mom about buying a toy without making a big deal of it?

Hi Kitties774, and welcome to the boards!

First, your formatting looks great, no worries! And I’m glad to hear you’re seeking safer items to use. Before we talk about talking with your mom, I do want to send this resource your way, in case making a safer-to-use DIY toy is something you may want to try: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... ve-edition

On the topic of speaking with your mom, you mentioned that she may know you’ve tried this before. Was she supportive of this, or did you get to talk with her about it? Too, have you gotten a sense in the past of how your mom might feel about things like sex and masturbation?

Thanks for the reply! When I spoke to my mom about masturbation a few years back I felt really guilty but she told me it was fine and completely natural. She doesn't shame me or anything of the sort, and wants to support me I think. My mom also bought me books on how to have healthy relationships (including sexual ones), sexual conduct, and other topics.

I looked at the article you listed a bit ago but I don't think that vibrating objects would really help & I'm honestly not great at using my hands. I've done so much research on anatomy and different things but not much I've read really works for me? I've heard of having a smaller clitoris and that might be it? I haven't looked down there with a mirror, should I try that? Thank you so much

Hi Kitties774,

From the sound of it, it seems like if you wanted to ask your mom for help getting a sex toy, the conversation would be awkward but survivable. She seems to be pretty supportive of you being able to learn about sex and your own body on your own terms, and like she's fairly sex positive herself. So it may be that talking to her about this and framing it as you having a way to safely explore your own sexuality is the way to go. Does that make sense?

I suspect your experiences with masturbation have less to do with clitoris size and more to do with the fact that bodies are pretty varied in terms of what they do and don't enjoy. It's true that some people find vibrators feel great for them, or that they like using their hands best, but lots of people are in the same situation as you, where neither of those things feel all that interesting or sound like you want to try them. Figuring out what we like as part of masturbation is a learning experience, and some people have to try out more things than others before they find what they enjoy.