Scarleteen

idk. i’m 16 and i think about going to psychiatric for some time already, but it will cost money, and i don’t want to spend money and find out that i’m healthy and just like any other teenager have low self esteem.

i go to free psychologist but i’ve never talked with her about it, there’s always something more important to me. at once i said something like “i don’t have motivation or strength to do anything” and she said it might be depression. i’m not sure. i’ve never been really motivated person, i study from home and most of the i procrastinate in my bed, and i’ve been doing it for years, so it’s not something unusual to me.

at winter i felt not good, but i didn’t seek help. now it’s became better, my week has gotten busier, i started doing more things that i like to do. i guess it’s good? but sometimes i feel a little overwhelmed, i know i don’t have enough power or motivation to do everything, but i can’t and don’t want to quit anything. and still a lot of the time i rot in my bed, sitting in character ai, or listening some music.

i love myself, i think i’m pretty, but still i can’t imagine myself successful and happy in like 10 or 20 years. i can, but it feels like something delusional. personally i think and feel, like i’ll be unhappy person and probably an alcoholic or maybe even vebcam model or something. also sometimes i think about killing myself in a way like “gosh i’m so tired, i hate myself, [edited to remove explicit description of self-harm] ” but i won’t do that of course!

and also i’m often sleepy, i sleep enough, but it’s still not enough. some days i feel better and these days become more usual thing, but i still feel like something is off but it’s not TOO BAD. maybe it’s puberty idk, or just a season thing (i hate winter and as i said earlier it because better recently.) or maybe now i’m feeling down because of the PMS. maybe i’m just overthinking because my therapist was the first who gave me the thought that i might be depressed. who knows. sometimes i wish i could became really bad and depressed so i could go for help. maybe someone felt something similar, wanna know your opinions.

Hi there, PomPom

You don't need to be in complete crisis to deserve support. It doesn't have to be TOO BAD. You are not overthinking this- you should not have to feel this unmotivated, tired, overwhelmed, or hopeless about the future. It is clear that you're struggling right now, so you deserve support now. Getting help before you're in crisis is how you can prevent a crisis from happening.

If a psychiatrist or counselor were to dismiss you by telling you that you're healthy and that you just have low self-esteem, I would encourage you to look for another therapist, and keep looking until you find someone that takes you seriously. Good therapy can help you gain the tools you need to build self-esteem, and it can help you handle emotional challenges from PMS, puberty, or the season.

my therapist was the first who gave me the thought that i might be depressed

Is this therapist the same person as the free psychologist that you're seeing? Maybe you could start by telling them about the things you've described here. Depending on your needs, they may be able to help you address some of this, and they could provide you with a reference for a psychiatrist.

I understand that you are not seriously thinking of killing yourself, but just in case, I want to provide this link. It is a directory of crisis helplines in different countries that you can use if you need to speak to someone about those feelings.

Here is an article of ours that you might find useful: Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy