Tips and Notes for masturbation?

[dayedin]

Hi! I just stumbled across this website and I thought it would be great to join for advice and just be a safe community overall.

(I have very little sexual education. I really only know basic functions, period stuff and names.) In short. I’m afab and a virgin, and I’ve never really masturbated before recent years. I’ve never watched porn and the idea itself makes me uncomfortable, but I do have hormones and feel desire so I’ve been trying to experiment with masturbation.

I just have no idea if what I’m doing is correct- as stated above I am afab so I’m a clitoris haver. But it’s kind of confusing.

I know, logically, that masturbation can include massaging it, so that’s what I do. Sometimes it creates a weird, tingling sensation in my lower body and back, but I don’t know if this counts as actual pleasure, I like it, but Imthen again, I also like the feeling of electric fences so I don’t know if it’s just me or not. Sometimes just rubbing and massaging does nothing and instead I’ll push my fingers inside and massage against this weird spot inside me that I can only reach when laying down.

I don’t know how to explain it but it’s rubbery almost, and has grooves on it? It also causes my hole to tighten around my fingers which makes it harder to touch. It sends sparks of electrics of my spine so I’m assuming it feels nice. Usually I massage it along with my clitoris.

But sometimes that soft tingling feeling builds up until my nerves feel like they exploding, and then it turns into a pressure. Usually my body releases some kind of liquid which I honestly don’t know what it is- it smells like urine? But it doesn’t come from that specific hole so I don’t really know. But then the pressure and tension builds as I continue to massage. And I can’t tell if it’s painful or not. I’ll keep at it until my body seems to be squirming away from the touch but I always try to force it still. It’s almost painful, but the idea doesn’t hurt me and I’m not against it. I actually really enjoy some types of pain as it drags out a slow tender feeling. But this is just barely too much and I don’t know if I like it. It’s almost overstimulation in a way. I can’t tell if I’m enjoying it or not, and was hoping for advice.

I have a partner I’m long distance with, and I’m hoping she’ll be who I lose my virginity too, but I want to know fully what to expect, both orgasms and the strange pressure building and tension feeling. I understand because we’re both afab, any sex we have will likely be reminiscent of masturbation, so I’m trying to learn and understand what I can so I don’t seem as inexperienced or nervous when we finally get to that point.


Any advice is appreciated!

[Sam W]

Hi dayedin,

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough on the boards to ask about this!

So, my biggest piece of advice around all this is that there isn't really a way to masturbate "wrong;" there are just the ways that feel best to your body. Too, you're also doing the main thing we recommend with masturbation, which is taking time to explore your body and your own sexual response to learn what you do, and don't, enjoy.

I hear you saying you're not sure if you enjoy certain things you've tried during masturbation. The tricky thing is that you're ultimately the only person who can determine that, since you're the one inhabiting your brain and body. That being said, when you experience these sensations, do they feel similar to other kinds of pleasure to you? Do you want to keep experiencing them, or is your instinct more to pull back from them because they feel unpleasant or uncomfortable?

That liquid you're noticing is likely ejaculation; it can sometimes have a urine smell because it does come through the urethra. If you're curious, you can read more about that here: Squirt: On Ejaculation

It does sound like it might be helpful to read up on sexual anatomy and sexual response more generally, to help you get acquainted with what you're feeling when you masturbate. For instance, the spot on the roof of your vaginal canal sounds like it might be your G-Spot, and that "explosive" feeling you sometimes get may be orgasm. These two pieces are great starting spots for learning about all that:
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
Sexual Response and Orgasm: A Users Guide

I do want to say that, with partnered sex, it's rare that we can fully anticipate how it will go, because so much of that depends not only on our bodies, which don't always act how we expect, but also on the fact that what helps partnered sex be pleasurable has way more to do with being able to communicate with a partner before, during, and after sex than it does with being able to know exactly how things will go. If it'd be helpful, we have a number of pieces on navigating and talking about sex with a partner that might help you out when you and your partner reach that point.