I can't orgasm if I'm not thinking about my kink
Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2024 11:18 pm
Hello! I (MtF) have an (perhaps?) unusual kink that can't be really replicated in real life (it has to do with size differences), but can't orgasm without thinking about it at all times. The thing is, this is not really ruining my sex life with my bf at all, we're extremely compatible and I find him extremely hot. There's also a very clear difference of when I do it alone and when I do it with him so I know it's not an arousal problem. He's also pretty supportive of it, he says he finds it sexy too and sees no problem in me having it and I don't either! This is so primordial in my being that getting rid of it would feel weird, I have no idea where it came from (I'm tall and always wanted to be short since i was little so it could be that) but I have some extremely early memories of it being there already, feels like it was meant to be. This is also not a treatment or gender thing because this also happened pre-transition with my ex-gf.
So it really seems like there's nothing to complain about, but the thing is... I feel really guilty that I need to focus on it while we're doing it... I wanted to be able to get there only with his touch, but it's really hard. I still think of us while making up scenarios in my head, but sometimes it feels really bad because it feels like i'm out of what i'm doing at the moment, like everything he's doing to me is meaningless because I'm off in fantasy land in my head... I know that's not really true because I genuinely remember all of his touches, but it doesn't make me feel less guilty, kinda cried about it today too just out of guilt i feel like this isn't normal at all...
So i guess what i'm looking for is not for ways to eradicate this, but being able to live with it alongside more "normal" sexual interests... is it even possible to condition myself to do that?
So it really seems like there's nothing to complain about, but the thing is... I feel really guilty that I need to focus on it while we're doing it... I wanted to be able to get there only with his touch, but it's really hard. I still think of us while making up scenarios in my head, but sometimes it feels really bad because it feels like i'm out of what i'm doing at the moment, like everything he's doing to me is meaningless because I'm off in fantasy land in my head... I know that's not really true because I genuinely remember all of his touches, but it doesn't make me feel less guilty, kinda cried about it today too just out of guilt i feel like this isn't normal at all...
So i guess what i'm looking for is not for ways to eradicate this, but being able to live with it alongside more "normal" sexual interests... is it even possible to condition myself to do that?