About sexual noises...

[MistahCFS]

Hi Scarleteen!

Last night I started thinking about moaning. Almost most people know that orgasms can be faked. With that in mind, I started wondering if moans can be faked as well. I started thinking about this because we know that in pornographic content it is quite common that the big o is faked. This is true, but then I wondered how real or fake sexual moans are not only in pornographic content but also in real life. Because I read online about a couple of places that claim they can be. I apologize in advance if I'm wrong, but I don't think it's really possible, because if there's a finger/fingers, toy or penis in the vulva, of course you feel it and react to it by moaning/talking dirty. A non sexual example: A burp is a burp if it comes naturally, or if you give it a little push.
Honestly, I think of the moaning and dirty talking as if it was food. I mean, it comes in many colours, sizes and flavours. Everyone uses it however they want and eats what they want. That's why I think that forced moaning/dirty talk is very rare because as long as the ingredients are there (naturally or created) and both parties can agree on how to use and eat it, then everything is fine.
How correct is my reasoning?
Thank you,
MizdaCFS

[Sam W]

Hi MistahCFS,

I think you're right that the noises people make during sex are really varied! Too, sometimes whether or not someone makes noise during sex is determined by things other than just their response to what's going on; for example, someone in a dorm room might deliberately keep a lid on any noises they want to make so as not to disturb their neighbors.

Now, some people do fake or exaggerate moans during sex, often because they feel that they have to. Maybe that's from feeling like they need to act like they see in porn, like if they don't their partner will feel bad, or another reason entirely.

[MistahCFS]

Dear Scarleteen!

Thank you for the response! I now only have 2 questions.

1: How much should I pay attention to the legitness of the sexual noises my partner will make?
2: Am I right in the following: Even though in pornography, wether professional or amateur the orgasms are most of the time faked, the moaning and dirty talk are only faked around 70-80% of the time?

Thanks,
MizdaCFS

[Andy]

Hi MizdaCFS!

I would like to approach this from a bit different angle by asking you first: what would you want that information about your partner for?

If the answer is to make sure they don’t feel obliged to put on some show for you than it’s great that you want to make your partner feel comfortable! But I think that when a partner already feels the pressure to pretend something it’s already a bit late, not to mention that you can’t somehow measure the "legitness" of people’s responses, they are the only ones who will know how certain things feel for them. So instead of focusing on that it’s much better to make sure our partners feel safe and comfortable in our sexual interactions before they happen. This includes things like talking about each others boundaries, preferences, communication during and after sex, being comfortable with our bodies, approaching the conversations and sex with open curious mind rather than having set expectations etc.
And if you think your partner might be feeling like they need to fake something, that’s a situation where a conversation about it would be the best course of action. How does all that sound?
(also, if your answer to the initial question was different, feel free to let us know so we can talk about it more)

As for your second question, that depends mostly on what you mean by "faked". If you mean done according to some sort of a script or made with the purpose to look/sound a certain for the viewer than yes, most of the time it would meet that criteria. But it’s difficult to compare moaning or dirty talk with orgasms because the main difference between them is that orgasm is involuntary while making certain sounds is often something we can control. So if "faked" in this context meant spontaneous reaction not done consciously than the answer to your questions would be very different. Does that make sense?

[MistahCFS]

Dear Scarleteen!

You are absolutely right, the reason I am asking the first question is for 100% comfort for my partner. Thank you for answering that, it sound great! I will definitely make sure to let my partner know, that no matter my partner sounds like, as long as She is comfortable and enjoying herself, I will love every second of it!

As for my second question, the reason why I am asking this, is because even though, most people who take sex seriously know, that orgasms are faked most of the time in visual erotica, I would like to know that even though there are a few moments in it where there is silence no matter the genre and production value, how common is it on both pornographic contest and in real life, for moaning and dirty talk to be "faked"/"forced", since those can be controlled.

Thank you,
MizdaCFS

[KierC]

Hi MizdaCFS,

In terms of how common it is for moaning and dirty talk to be faked in porn, I would say that insofar as porn is scripted, directed, and edited, you can bet that a lot of the moaning and dirty talk is not real, or maybe exaggerated if it is real. You can read more about it here too: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/culture ... tream-porn

In real life, it is hard to say how common it is to fake moaning or dirty talk, because the only person who can truly tell what is fake or real is the person experiencing it. Too, there’s an element of response bias that makes it a little harder to put a number on this, if we were to study it. Does that make sense?

I think an important thing we can do, whether or not a reaction is voluntary or involuntary, is exactly what you and Andy spoke about: creating a comfortable space for you and your partner to be open about how things feel.

[MistahCFS]

Dear Scarleteen!

Thank you very much for answering the first question! It is all clear now.

As for my second question, I think I have one last question to be answered: How right am I with the following way of thinking?: Even though a lot of moaning and dirty talk is supposedly faked, they still have somewhat of a basis in reality, because as some techniques and positions can be experimented with in real life (as long as both are consenting to it), the sexual noises in pornography can also inspire the we express ourselves and communicate with our partners. I think this way is because of all the erotica I have watched/heard whether it is amateur, professional, solo or partnered, I honesly didn't hear that they were faked or forced. I only heard different ways of them. (Don't get me wrong, when I saw that they weren't enjoying it that much, yet they still made noises I immediately turned it off. And yes, I knew that pornographic content isn't 100% grounded in reality, as I wrote in a previous discussion)

Also, two more questions that came into my mind just now:
1: As long as both are legitimately have a good time and are safe, it really doesn't matter what kind of noises a person makes, and how legit they are, and so one shouldn't extra pressure on themselves with worrying how real őr faked the soundscape is.
2: One shouldn't care that much about the legitness of the sounds of a porn video, and should just enjoy it if the sights, sounds and áll that jazz turns them on, whether alone, or with a partner, right?

Thanks,
MizdaCFS

[Willa]

Dear MistahCFS,

You are correct, as long as both parties are having pleasurable and consensual sex it does not matter how they choose to verbally express their pleasure. These expressions will sound different for everyone and there is no one right or wrong way to express pleasure or enjoy these expressions.

[MistahCFS]

Dear Scarleteen!

Thank you for answering my question when it comes to reality. Could you please answer my 2 questions regarding to pornography/erotica? You can find it in a previous post in this discussion, I don't wanna write it down again.

Thank you,
MistahCFS

[Heather]

If I understand which question (I'm only really seeing one) this is about, no one is going to be able to tell you how much of the sounds you hear people making in all pornography -- that's an awfully big and very diverse pool that also spans at least centuries! -- are faked, aren't faked, or are real, but done perhaps more dramatically than they might be in life. The simple fact is that that varies.

[MistahCFS]

So in this case, one shouldn't really care about how legit or not the soundscape is, but what should matter, is that the viewer of viewers enjoy what is happening, right?
I am really sorry if I am overblowing this topic...

Thanks,
MistahCFS (I just realized that I used a username for a different thing )

[KierC]

Hi there MistahCFS,

No worries at all! If I’m understanding you correctly, you’re right, when it comes to sexual media like porn, I think it’s less productive to worry about the legitimacy of the noises you hear, and perhaps more helpful to just hold an appreciation for the fact that porn is media, not real life, and we can appreciate that for what it is while recognizing that it may not fully represent sexual response in real life. Does that help clarify a bit?

[Heather]

I can't tell you what to care about or not in this or any respect, honestly. I can think of a bunch of different reasons people might care about or be invested in (or not) this or any aspect of porn, but all of those cares, or the lack of them, are very personal.

I do think that it sounds like you're investing a lot in this, though, and I'm not sure I understand why.

[MistahCFS]

It did help, thank you. And Heather, I'm really sorry, I van get way too invested in a category whether useful or not. Thanks agains, yo!

[Heather]

You don't need to be sorry about it! But I have seen a pattern of you kind of trying to figure out or manage sexual partners or partnerships that don't yet exist, and I gotta tell you, that's just not a sound use of your time or energy. I'd also say it might even make it so that when you do connect with someone, it's not great for either of you because you'll be coming to it thinking you have all these things figured out before you even know anything about this person, you know?

So, my advice is to do what you can to stop focusing so much on hypotheticals with all this. If you feel ready to be sexual with partners, I'd put that energy and time into dating and relationship building, as well as just building up your own sexual confidence first. If you don't feel ready, or just aren't interested in seeking anyone out right now, I'd personally suggest you put your focus on real-life stuff you are actually presently interested in. <3