Scarleteen

I've recently been extremely obsessive about and hence unable to participate in ANY sexual activity. Manual sex, Oral sex, heck, even Dry Humping- As you can see from my posts, after a huge pregnancy scare, I've not engaged in any of those. But what's bothering me is that I'm scared of them even now, after I thought I moved on. I just can't do any of them, even if I want to. Before this, I was extremely comfortable with these things. My partner has never forced me and neither does he now- But I'm scared that I'll never again be able to engage in anything sexual without a pregnancy fear constantly. Is this just a passing feeling, or have I done permanent damage?

HI Hypochodriac17,

I think you have the right idea about not engaging in any type of sexual behavior until you can get a hold of your fears. I'm also glad to hear that your partner is supportive of your choice. You all should continue to discuss your discomfort and not engage in any sexual activity until you feel completely ready. I glanced at your previous post and noticed that Redskies suggested that you access mental healthcare. I still think that is a good option, especially given your new concerns. Is this something that you have given more thought to?

I did not see you mention masturbation in that list. Does that feel scary, too?

No, I never really liked masturbation much. But I'm fine with doing it every once in a while. I'm not scared of it in the way I'm scared of anything sexual with a partner.

Okay. So, you do, then, have something sexual you can engage in without fear, and perhaps now is a good time to revisit masturbation and explore it a bit more.

All of this is most likely temporary, just like most things in life. Does your partner understand that, and is he being relaxed and okay about, sexual activities with a partner just need to be off the table for you right now? If so, why do you think you feel so worried and anxious about needing time away?

My partner is extremely supportive of my choices. He respects my boundaries. He isn't generally stressed about any sexual activities, but he's agreed to scale down on them till I'm comfortable. My pregnancy scare took up 2 months of my time, gave me nothing but a whole lot of worries and tension, impacted my physical and mental health on a whole. I just cant have it happening ever again. I'm scared that even the most absurd of activities like Dry Humping could send me spiralling down into that hole. But I'm also worried that if I don't get over this with time, as in even after months or a year or two, it could get frustrating for both me and my partner.

And what would that mean if it got frustrating?

In other words, relationships, especially those that go on over time, are by all means going to have periods where one or both people feel frustrated, or where one or both people have to put some wants on hold because either (or both!) people have something else going on that makes those things untenable. And sometimes that's for hours or days, other times weeks, months or even years. It's just kind of part of the deal of having intimate relationships with people.

So, why is that so scary for you, do you think, as a possibility?

You also say you're scared of a health spiral due to anxiety and of your feelings with all of this staying the same. As we've talked about, the best way to address both of those things is through mental healthcare. So, I'd strongly suggest you accept that, and now figure out what steps you can take -- not the barriers to this, which is all you've really talked about so far -- to make that happen sooner rather than later.