Scarleteen

My husband and I have a fantastic sex life in my opinion. When we have sex it’s fantastic and satisfying and I enjoy it. I give just as much as I receive and he seems to enjoy himself when we do but he does not want to have sex. It feels like I’m forcing him. He says it’s fine and he enjoys it but whenever we have sex he leaves immediately to play the game or shower or immediately sleep. He use to kiss me and talk and be silly and have fun. Now it’s like we finished and now we’re done. He doesn’t seem to WANT to have sex with me. He doesn’t even want me to give him head. It feels like he has sex with me out of duty not interest and I don’t know what to do or how to talk to him about it.

Hi Notshure21, welcome to Scarleteen!

It sounds like you've noticed some changes in your husband's behavior recently- he is moving on to the next activity right after you have sex, is spending less time with you, and seems to be showing less initiative with intimacy. This has caused you to worry that he might not be interested in you, or interested in having sex at all, and that you're forcing him to have sex. I understand why you're concerned about this, though I do think you might be jumping to conclusions a little early. You said it yourself: you normally have a good sex life, and he has said that he enjoys himself.

I think you should discuss your concerns with your husband. I know that is much easier said than done, but communication really is the best way to resolve such issues. You'll be able to talk to him about how he is feeling, get some reassurance, and make sure you're both on the same page. You could talk about the things you've mentioned here- that you don't want to force him, and that you've noticed a change that has caused you to worry. You might ask him to spend some more time with you instead of leaving immediately after sex. As always with sensitive conversations, try to discuss this in a private place, when both of you are relaxed and have enough time to speak.

What do you think of this?

Hi Notshure21,

In addition to what Latha said, I want to ask: what are the conversations and interactions like that lead you to having sex? Does he seem uninterested when you ask? If so, how do things go from one person being uninterested to two people having sex?

Too, it may be helpful to know that it's common for people's interest in or desire for sex to ebb and flow throughout their lives. Our desire for sex is influenced by a whole bunch of different things, including stress, big life changes, health issues, etc. So part of what might be happening here is that common pattern.