beginner sexual stuff

[ri]

hi! i recently started getting a little more outgoing with my boyfriend so step up from making out. i feel totally safe and comfortable with him and feel no pressure to do anything i don’t want to, that being said he recently began fingering me i’ve never fingered myself prior to him or really masturbated at all besides rubbing my thighs together on occasion(i still don’t masturbate). the first times he did was one finger and yesterday he did two it felt good and i liked it but i started to tear up and i’m not sure why. it wasn’t painful just different and new sensations(i’ve never fingered myself). i also wasn’t feeling emotional it’s just that as he fingered me tears started falling out of my eyes. it didn’t happen last time only this time and i don’t know why. could someone try and help me. i’m not that educated and im not sure if this is normal.

[KierC]

Hi there Ri, and welcome to the boards

I’m glad to hear that you feel comfortable with your boyfriend, especially when experiencing new sensations and reactions!

Tears falling during sexual activity is something that can happen for many different reasons, and you are definitely not alone here. Sometimes when our bodies are receiving a lot of new information (like new sensations and experiences such as fingering), this can be so stimulating that tears can fall. It’s one of many ways that our bodies can react to a bunch of new information. Too, tears can fall from big emotions that can come up during sexual activity, ranging from feelings of happiness, closeness, excitement, to feelings of anxiety, discomfort, etc.

In general, there is nothing “wrong” or “abnormal” about tearing up during sex — big emotions and different bodily sensations can happen during sexual activity, like sweating or even laughing — the most important thing is you feeling safe, comfortable, able to experience pleasure, and able to give and withdraw consent. Does that make sense?

To clarify, when you noticed that tears were starting to fall, did you notice any other emotions or feelings in your body accompanying the tears? Too, did you feel comfortable, safe, and able to experience pleasure?

[ri]

hi thank you for replying! once i noticed tears were starting to fall i didn’t think too much about it i was comfortable i wasn’t necessarily super into it but it was enjoyable i liked the feeling. i just kind of laughed and said like i don’t know why im tearing up im okay i swear and my partner kept going. we are both a inexperienced because we are eachother first serious partner so we’ve never done this before but he has im pretty sure looked it up or something he knows more abt the bits then i do i think lol. so i don’t know if that would be a reason? honestly im just confused and am trying to understand, there’s no one i can ask or talk to about this stuff. OH also we did stop pretty suddenly because other people got home but that didn’t have to do with it. also i’m not sure if the tears were because it was such new sensations i have never came before(still haven’t) when the feeling gets a lot i don’t really know what to do and i ask to stop or slow so yeah. but the tears didn’t happen before just this time, but im not sure if that was because it was another finger, but maybe not because it didn’t hurt. also is this post public to all? and is there a way to make this more private it makes me worried digital footprint and all. thank you again

[Sam W]

Hi Ri,

The boards are indeed publicly visible; that's why we note in the user agreement and elsewhere on the site that when folks are signing up here, it's best that they choose a username that's a pseudonym in some way.

It does sound like the tears are likely coming from one or more of the things Kier mentioned in their post. As they said, things like new sensations or the big emotions that can be tied to sex, especially when it's a pretty new thing for us, can sometimes lead to tears.

It also sounds like you don't feel super prepared to be sexual in terms of things like knowing your own anatomy or knowing what to expect from things like sexual response or partnered sex. Would it be helpful to have some resources on how to learn about those things?