I'm afraid I'll turn out to be heterosexual

[PomPom]

i’ve been struggling with my sexual orientation for some time already. it’s exhausting. i don’t have much experience with any gender, but i thought i felt something to some of my girl friends, but i’m not sure. i thought that i had something homosexual in me. i mean, i’ve been thinking so for 6 years already. but now i’m not sure. sometimes, when i see a pretty girl, or for example some girl pulls closer so i could feel her perfume, or when some girl pins me down when we’re tickling each other, i feel how my heart “skips a beat” or idk how to explain, it’s like “ah ” and then everything goes back in normal. also when i see a pretty girl i wanna smile and all this shy stuff, also i think about texting my friend about it and giggle together (maybe that’s why am happy at those moments?) but if i see that girl a lot, and expect her to be there this thing stops. also, a few times i caught myself staring at boobs, but i think some heterosexual girls do that too. yesterday i saw a pretty guy, i’ve seen him a few times around my neighborhood. he’s so stylish. when i saw him last time at the bakery I felt a slight flutter of the heart. it’s different from what i feel when i see a pretty girl. i bet if that guy was a girl i would have told him a compliment, but i chickened out. that feeling in my heart more similar to feeling that everyone describes. am i really a heterosexual? all that feeling that i felt for girls before were just friends feelings? sorry for my english, it isn’t my native language.

[Heather]

Hey there, PomPom.

So, there are WAY more orientations and sexual identities than just heterosexual or homosexual, and some others do describe the attractions you are feeling more accurately.

For starters, both homosexual and heterosexual people are not always (and I would say rarely, when people are honest) ONLY attracted to either people of the same gender or people of a different one. Those frameworks were built to describe a person who only OR MOSTLY is attracted to people of a different gender (hetero) or a same or similar one (homo). By that token, if it felt right for you, based on just what you posted here, you could identify as homosexual and be within the realm of experiences homosexual people do.

But you could also consider words for your identity that were actually meant for people attracted to more than one gender, like queer, pansexual or bisexual.

Know, too, that none of these terms are meant to be something someone has to sign unto for life. They're just language meant to describe our life experiences so far and our identities as they feel for us in the present moment. It's very common for this stuff to shift and change over decades of life.

[Heather]

I forgot to share the link with you that I meant to! I think a read through this will give you a lot of information and support around this: The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone.