Scarleteen

when i was younger, like 3-8 years old maybe, i used to get super hyper focused on sexual things and pregnancy. i didn’t really understand it of course, but i would roleplay being in really dangerous sexual situations by myself. i didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back on it, it was really weird and probably dangerous (i would put items like rubber duckies in my pants and do a bunch of other weird things that would result in pain. on purpose).

when i was around 12, it started shifting into more realistic sexual fantasies as i got more education on sexuality and stuff, but i still feel a really uncomfortable nostalgia when i think about rape. now, i’m diagnosed with PTSD and a handful of other things. i know it’s possible that i was actually being abused and i just don’t remember, but is it possible that i sexually assaulted myself?? is that a thing that can happen??

So, we can't sexually assault ourselves, because sexual assault, by definition, is only something one person can do to another. But we can do sexual things to ourselves that we don't feel good about -- at the time or after -- or that may or can be self-harm or part of it, for sure.

That PTSD: did the person giving you a diagnosis give you any information about where they thought that might have come from?