Scarleteen

I (14afab) noticed that I’m not sensitive touching my own skin outside the vulva, maybe my breasts if I try enough to get aroused but other than that I don’t feel anything while masterbauting but whenever others accidentally touch my skin directly like the stomach, shoulders or thighs, I suddenly feel incredibly sensitive, not in an uncomfortable way but almost the same way as I would with my clit. I’m mainly confused as to way it is this way, I’m curious about how an orgasm would feel but can’t seem to feel pleasure through my body and just my vulva when I’m aroused.

Hi there Azulin,

So, there is a certain familiarity we have with our own bodies, where when we touch ourselves, we’re expecting it, so it registers in our brain as non-surprising. Touches that come from someone else, especially on accident or when we’re not expecting it, can be a bit more surprising or even activating. That may explain at least a little bit of why other peoples’ touches feel a bit more sensitive. Does that make sense?

Too, there are many erogenous zones apart from things like genitals, for example the stomach, the neck, the ears, really any body part can feel pleasureful if the context is right! In terms of what an orgasm might feel like, or even more pleasure throughout your body, a good rule of thumb for pre-orgasmic people is to explore your body often, with curiosity instead of judgment. So, this can look like taking more time to yourself and just exploring different potential erogenous zones, exploring different kinds of touches (with variations in rhythms, pressure, direction), following what feels good. How does that sound?

For some more general readings on masturbation, too, here’s a couple that are relevant to your questions

Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

Thank you for the response, it definitely make sense, I’m currently still exploring and only recently found my clit but I’ve tried to explore areas and fantasize(and just enjoy the moment) though nothing seems to quite stick no matter where or how I do it which is bit of a bummer. I think it may be combined with the factor of the fact I live with my family and therefore can’t fully try to enjoy it like having to be quiet even when it feels like I’m going somewhere.

Ah, I definitely hear you that it can be hard to relax while masturbating when it’s hard to find privacy at home! I was just about to say, making sure you’re relaxed and aroused before masturbating can go a long way to make masturbating more pleasurable, but that can definitely be hard to do when you feel like you have to be quiet or “sneak off,” so to speak.

To start, we have a resource on how to manage privacy at home while masturbating. This article has some great practical tips for cultivating more of a sense of privacy while exploring! Deep Cover: Tips for Managing Anxiety or Privacy Worries When Masturbating at Home

Specifically, the article mentions, and it may ring true here, that oftentimes we are more quiet during sexual activity than we think we are — due to things like porn making noises sound way more loud, or the idea that in general, when we’re anxious about being quiet, any little noise will sound super loud to us. Too, the article has some great tips on how to secure time for yourself without feeling like your family may suspect anything.

How does all of that sound? If you’d like more tips, too, on how to find a safe place and time to explore, we are here to help!

Hi, that’s definitely helpful and helped relieve some of my anxiety and the article definitely made me feel less worried, albeit I still seem to have no erogenous zones no matter where I try to test and I can’t seem to understand why that is even if my mind is in the right place (I think) and I don’t know why that is.

Hi Azulin,

Just to clarify, when you say that your mind is in the right place, do you mean that you feel turned on or aroused? If you are not aroused (or perhaps aroused enough), that might be what is causing this. It is not that you don't have erogenous zones- only that touching yourself when you're not already turned on may not feel like much at all.

I wonder if it might help to start by thinking about non-sexual sources of physical pleasure in your life. You could also try to explore other fantasies, and see if changing things in your environment or routine might help. Here are two articles that discuss this:
How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms
I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment

I tend to actually be very aroused when I do try it, by right place I mean like all relaxed, enjoying it and feeling good otherwise and have a pretty wild imagination I’d say. I’ve noticed it’s more so my skin isn’t necessarily sensitive or reacts much to anything, no matter how good it feels in the moment, where my mind is psychologically or really anything. I touch myself only when I’m very aroused. As for non sexual touch/intimacy, that’s practically non existent in my life whether it’d be friends, family (maybe just some rare occasions) and I’ve never dated before. I have autism, not sure how much it plays as a role, if I had to factor in my mood then I’m really just neutral in my day to day life, I don’t have much time for myself due to having a baby sister. Even when I’m doing non sexual things and am genuinely enjoying myself, that’s often ruined by responsibilities.

Hi Azulin,

You know, from the sound of it, it seems like masturbation is enjoyable for you even if how your body responds to touch during it is a bit different than you expected it to be. If so, my suggestion would be just to accept that that's how your body reacts, rather than trying to troubleshoot it to act a certain way. Does that make sense?